Cyber-Assignment for They Say Chapter 9 Due October 9, 2013
In chapter 9 "Ain't So/ Is Not" Academic Writing Doesn't Always Mean Setting Aside Your Own Voice" (121).
Do the exercises as written here (128). Post and then respond to two students. Again in your response be respectful and expand or extend the conversation.
This is the last chapter assignment. Students should read Chapter 10 for Monday, October 14 (129).
Do the exercises as written here (128). Post and then respond to two students. Again in your response be respectful and expand or extend the conversation.
This is the last chapter assignment. Students should read Chapter 10 for Monday, October 14 (129).
posted by Professor Wanda's Posse at 9:17 AM
29 Comments:
Denise Burgara
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 11-11:50
9 October 2013
They say Ch. 9
1)
Original Paragraph from p.68
If good academic writing involves putting yourself into dialogue with others, it is extremely important that readers be able to tell at every point when you are expressing your own view and when you are stating someone else’s. This chapter takes up the problem of moving from what you say without confusing readers about who is saying what.
Re-written Into Informal Language
If good writing means putting yourself into a conversation with buddies, it is important that they are able to see at every point when you are showing your own view and when you are saying another person’s view. This chapter shows the problem of moving from what they say to what you say without creating a blur to the readers about who is saying what.
Re-written Blending Formal and Informal
If good academic writing includes putting yourself into a dialogue with others, it is important that readers are able to tell at every point when you are expressing your own view and when you are showing someone else’s. This chapter covers the problem of transitioning from what you say without creating confusion in your writing to the readers about who is saying what.
2) My Original Work
When it comes to the topic of the Community building support to Parks, most of us will readily agree that they all took a stand together to fight for their lives as this was almost barring at an end. “Hundreds of people stood outside court and packed the corridors of the courthouse…to demonstrate their support.”(88)
Blending “Non-academic"
Park’s community was on her side the whole time, their support helped her fight and stand up to fight for what they wanted. When all of this was almost done, “Hundreds of people stood outside court and packed the corridors of the courthouse…to demonstrate their support.”(88)
Jacky Christie
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
10/8/13
Chapter 9 Exercises
1.
Re-write of Pg. 94, paragraph 2 "Dressed-down version"
So Denise basically is saying stuff that's important, but like she's replying to someone else. She mentions other scientists, so it's like she's saying what she's talking about is important. It's like she's saying "what I'm saying here has to do with other stuff too, and you should be interested, not just me", 'cause she talks about other people who would think her topic matters.
"Dressed-up version"
In The Secret Life of a Potent Cell, Denise Grady writes in such a fashion that puts forth and centralizes a specific viewpoint, as well as outlining said viewpoint in a way that addresses the topic as if she were responding to an already-existing claim. By associating a specific, legitimate community of scientists with her ideas, she is making a connection that one could perceive must mean her topic reaches to those other than herself. She references other specialists that she believes will take notice and interest in what she has proposed, and therefore reflecting the importance and relevance of her writing to a broader audience
"Blended version"
As we can see by Grady's piece, addressing individuals or communities other than yourself- in this case, fellow specialists- can be beneficial. In other words, if you only go on talking about your topic in a way that seems to only interest you or people in your situation, other people reading it aren't going to see why they should care. The Secret Life of a Potent Cell is a perfect example of why referencing outside perspectives makes our own words seem stronger, and more interesting, because it attracts readers who might not have thought the topic applied to them.
2.
When looking through my Rosa Parks: A Rebel essay, particularly in the body paragraphs, it seems that my writing slips into more of an "overly-formal" feel. I try to define the term "rebel" in a way that can be applicable to many different people, but I'm afraid that with all of my direct/ paraphrasing citations from the book, the wording might come off as a little too, well, "by the book". I could've probably cut out a few of the direct quotations and added a little more of my own writing about the actual term "rebel" and how it relates to us, citizens of today (probably my audience).
Kimberly Young
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 8:00-8:50 am
9 October 2013
They Say/ I Say Chapter 9
1) Original Text:
All these templates help you hook your readers. By suggesting the real-world applications of your claims, the templates not only demonstrate that others care about your claims but also tell your readers why they should care. Again, it bears repeating that simply stating and proving your thesis isn't enough. You also need to frame it in a way that helps readers care about it.
Informal:
All these templates help hook your readers. Suggesting the real-world applications of the claims, the templates aren’t just demonstrating that others feel for your claim but also saying why people should care. Over and over, it bears repeating that just saying and upholding your thesis isn't sufficient. You need to put it in a way to make people believe it.
Formal:
All these templates help to grab the readers' attention. By suggesting the real world application of claims, the templates not only demonstrate that readers believe these claims but also explain why they should care. Again, it bears repeating that directly stating and proving the thesis is not enough. Displaying the thesis in a method that would help readers understand the claim is important.
Mix:
All these templates help you to grab your readers' attention. By suggesting the real-world applications of your claims, the templates aren’t just demonstrating that others feel for your claim but also saying why people should care. Again, it bears repeating that just saying and upholding your thesis isn't sufficient. Displaying the thesis in a method that would help readers understand the claim is significant.
2) Looking back at my Rosa Parks' essay, I saw that I was more on the formal side than informal. I think for an essay for an English class is supposed to be more formal, but I think I should have lessened the formality a little to make the audience more comfortable. In some parts when I am trying to explain my quotes, I tend to use casual language like "isn't" and "they tell nobody." These informal use of language helps me grab my readers attention, but make my paper sound unprofessional.
Patrick Yu
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
9 October 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.9
1)
Original: In all situations, think carefully about your audience and purpose. When you write a letter applying for a job, for instance, or submit a grant proposal, where your words will be weighed by an official screening body, using language that's too colloquial or slangy may well jeopardize your chances of success. On such occasion,, it is usually best to err on the safe side, conforming as closely as possible to the conversations of standard written English. In other situations for other audiences, however, there is room to be more creative- in this book, for example. Ultimately, your judgments about the appropriate language for the situation should always take into account your likely audience and your purpose in writing.
Informal: Deciding what kind of style that you should use in a paper is just common sense. If you're writing something important like a job application letter, you'd obviously want to write like you have an education. It really just depends on who the audience of your paper is.
Formal: Remember to always think carefully about who the audience will be and what your purpose is. If, for example, you are writing a application letter for a job, it would be best to avoid the such of slangs or any kind informal English. However, if you are writing an essay for a class like Modern World History, it would be perfectly fine to write less formally.
Mixed: The most important factor about choosing whether to write formally or informally is your audience. If you know that your audience is going to judge you based on your paper, write formally. For example, a personal statement for your dream school. If you are writing a story for a creative writing class, go ahead and use as many slangs as you want. You just need to know when's the right time to use a certain style.
2)
Original: In David Zinczenko’s Don’t Blame the Eater, he states that fast food companies make it hard for consumers to know how much calories they are consuming. As a result, more and more children as obtaining type 2 diabetes due to being overweight or obese. Being overweight is a serious problem in America. It is not only unattractive, but it may also lead to more serious health problems, such as heart problems, high blood pressure, stroke, cancer, liver disease, and much more.
Informal: In David Zinczenko's "Don't Blame the Eater, he tells us that fast food restaurants are cheating their customers into thinking that their food is less fattening than it really is. The way they label their calories can easily fool the average customer. This has lead to more overweight and obese people in America. Being overweight is no fun. It not only makes people ugly, but puts them at risk for a bunch of other diseases.
Ryan Djafaripour
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8:00-8:50
9 October 2013
They Say, I say Ch.9
1.Original text:
Templates like these show that answering naysayer' objections does not have to be an all-or-nothing affair in which you either definitively refute your critics or they definitively refute you. Often the most productive engagements among differing views end with a combined vision that incorporates elements of each one.
Informal:
Templates like these show that answering naysayers' objections doesn't have to be all-or-nothing affairs in which you either refute your critics or refute you. The most productive engagements between different views end with a combination of each one.
Formal:
Templates such as the ones shown above show that answering naysayers' objections does not require an adamant affair in which you certainly refute your critics or certainly refute you. Often times, the most productive engagements among differing views cease with a combined observation that incorporates elements of each party.
Mix:
Templates like these show that answering naysayers' objections doesn't have to be an all or nothing endeavor in which you either refute your critics or they refute you definitely. Often, the most productive engagements among differing perspectives with a combined vision that incorporates elements of each party.
2. When I look at my Rosa Parks essay, I have come to realization that there was more informal writing than formal. There were parts of it that should have been more formal and academic, but I could not express the thoughts in a different way due to the context. I was using very casual and informal language such as "I" or "me" which is more opinionated language most times. The use of this informal language could help craft an persuasive essay if I back it up with evidence to make it sound professional.
Samantha Gober
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8-8:50
9 October 2013
They Say Ch. 9 Ex. 1 & 2
Original Text (PG 5)
You deplore the demonstrations taking place in Birmingham. But your statement, I am sorry to say, fails to express similar concern for the conditions that brought about the demonstrations.
Informal
You complain about demonstrations taking place in Birmingham. Yet your statement, I am sorry to say, does not show your interest in the actions that caused the demonstrations.
Formal
You abhor testimonies takings place in Birmingham. Yet your statement is hypocritical because you fail to express your involvement in confining the actions that brought about the testimonies.
Mixed
You complain about the demonstrations taking place in Birmingham. Yet your statement does not express interest in the actions that caused the demonstrations, therefore making you a hypocrite.
Ex. 2
I found that I used both informal and formal writing in my Rosa Parks essay. I added in scholarly words while using everyday expressions that my peers would understand. This makes my writing clear and easy to understand. I also mixed in metaphoric expressions to give the reader a better image of what is going on. I summarized what the author wrote and created a better understanding of Parks character.
Evan Hill
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
9 October 2013
They Say Chapter 9
1. Pg. 128, Last Paragraph
Colloquial Language
Academic writing aint how it used to be son, you don't gotta be all fancy all the time. You can make your writing even better if you add in some words the kids be using nowadays. It's crazy how much academic writing uses language from the streets even though it's supposed to be all formal and whatnot. This is how writing changes bruh, when you mix the streets with the formal.
"Dressed Up"
Though in the past it may have been commonplace for one to use a more bourgeois writing style, such a style is no longer the norm in modern times. It comes as a great surprise that much of the language used in academia today is derived from modern, colloquial language. By synthesizing both the informal, and what is considered to be formal, forms of writing, the standard for English changes and the threshold is raised allowing writer's to expand into new territories of writing.
Colloquial/"Dressed Up" Blend
So in the past academic writing was to be written as formally as possible, however, that's not really the case anymore. In college, to get anywhere as a writer you really got to have a good knowledge of what goes on in these streets, language wise of course, so your writing isn't so constrained. Academic writing will always be a complex affair, but much of the language used in writing today is what you might hear around your neighborhood or in pop culture. By combining these two types of language, English as a whole can evolve and writers are granted access to new possibilities. Basically, don't be afraid to add a little slang to that thang.
2. I make it a point to keep my language as "black-tie" as possible in my academic essay's. I usually don't stray away from that unless by accident, which is evident in my Rosa Parks as a rebel essay. Thinking back there are plenty of times I could have used more colloquial language to have a greater impact. Though I don't do it often, it can be a good tactic to add informal language.
Melon Yemane
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
9 October 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.9
Original Text PG.71
To avoid confusion in your own writing, make sure that at every point your readers can clearly tell who is saying what. To do so, you can use as voice-identifying devices many of the templates presented in previous chapters.
Informal Colloquial Language
Confusing your audience ain't coo, so what you need to do is quote people so they know who's talkin'.
Dressed Up
Enunciate who is speaking in your writing, to cut confusion from your audience.
The Blends with the Two Styles
There are several ways to minimize the issue with who is the speaker in a text, this will help your audience notice your points clearly. These techniques are found in "They Say" along with templates that will guide you.
2. As rereading my older to new writings I have yet to find any non academic writing. By shifting into casual language may help if you are trying to grasp your audience of a younger generation. For instance by using slang that they may use can help attain their attention. Such as "my sistas and brothas".
Isabel Grande
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8-8:50
9 October 2013
They Say – chap. 9
1. Take a paragraph from this book and dress it down, rewriting it in informal colloquial language. Then rewrite the same paragraph again by dressing it up, making it much more formal. Then rewrite the paragraph one more time in a way that blends the two styles. Share your paragraphs with a classmate, and discuss which versions are most effective
My dressed down version of the above paragraph goes something like this:
Pick a small section in this book to write it again, and without having to worry too much about sounding all that smart. Then, write it again one more time, this time making it sound as if you are a hot shot. Then again, for the third and last time, write that section again, only this time you will combine the two styles to make a whole new writing. Show your new writes with another classmate and talk about which way you guys like best and why.
Second part of the exercise- a concisely eloquent version of the above paragraph
Restructure a paragraph from this book into a proletarian version of it. Then again, utilizing the same paragraph, create a new sophisticated and academically reflecting version of it. Lastly, merge the two styles to create a third and final modification. Analyze this process and its results with a classmate, and elaborate on the effectiveness from each model.
A little bit of this and that in order to create the desired effect, (combining the two)
Choose a paragraph from this book and put it in simpler, every day terms. Then rewrite it again with the intention to polish it a bit more, and make it sound more sophisticated. For the third in rewriting this paragraph try combining the two previous ways into one. See which one you and your classmates find more effective and why?
Mervin DeGuzman
Prof. Wanda Sabir
English 1A 0800-0850
9 Oct 2013
Ex. 1 pg. 128
1. Original Paragraph pg. 127
But how do you know when it is better to play things straight and stick to standard English, and when to be more adventuresome and mix things up? When, in other words, should you write "failed to notice" and when is it okay (or more effective) to write "flew under the radar"? is it always appropriate to mix styles? And when you do so, how do you know when enough is enough?
Informal:
But how do you know if it is better to play things straight and stick to English and when to be more risky and mix things up? When should you write "failed to notice" and when it's ok to write "flew under the radar"? Is it always good to mix styles? And when it does, how do you know when enough is enough?
Formal:
But how would you know when it is superior to play things straight and stick to standard English, and when to be more audacious and associate it with something else? When, specifically, should you write "failed to notice" and when is it good to write "flew under the radar"? Is it always relevant to mix styles? And when you do so, how do you know when enough is enough?
Mix:
But how would you if it is superior to play things straight and stick to Standard English and when to be risky and mix things up? When, specifically, should you write “failed to notice” and when it’s ok to write “flew under the radar”? Is it always relevant to mix styles? And when you do so, how do you know when enough is enough?
2. On my Rosa Parks essay, I tried to be more formal and try to write scholarly. On my next essay, I will try to incorporate both styles in order to provide a better understanding for all audiences.
Milin Khunkhun
Professor Sabir
English 1A (10-10:50)
9 September 2013
They Say Ch. 9
Exercise 1
Original Text:
If good academic writing involves putting yourself into dialogue with others, it is extremely important that readers be able to tell at every point when you are expressing your own view and when you are stating someone else’s. This chapter takes up the problem of moving from what they say to what you say without confusing readers about who is saying what.
Informal:
Academic writing can be good when it involves the writer’s thoughts with others because then the reader can tell the difference between the points you make from others. In this chapter, you will learn how to say what you say and what others say without confusing the reader.
Formal:
Academic writing should encompass dialogue from the author and others for the reader to recognize when the author expresses either their view or others. This chapter illustrates the importance of transitioning to what they say to what you say without perplexing the reader.
Mix:
When incorporating dialogue to academic writing, it is good to differentiate what you are saying from when you state someone else. In this chapter, it will discuss the importance of transitioning to what they say to what you say without confusing readers about who says what.
Exercise 2:
In my Rosa Parks essay, I tried to write a formal paper and I believe I did this well in certain parts of my essay such as the introduction. But as I began to move into dialogue, I saw myself not analyzing the quotes in a specific and well-organized way. Therefor, the audience would be confused on what my point was. I think I should of used the mix of formal and informal language so the reader could understand my point in the essay.
Briana Del Cid
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
9 October 2013
Ain’t So / Is Not
1. Finding relevant quotations is only part of your job; you also need to present them in a way that makes their relevance and meaning clear to your readers. Since quotations do not speak for themselves, you need to build a frame around them in which you do that speaking for them.
Undressed:
Finding important quotes isn't all the work you have to do. You have to show them in a way that makes their importance and meaning obvious to the bookworms. Since quotes can’t talk, you have to create an outline for them so that you do the talking.
Overdressed:
Discovering applicable citations is merely a fraction of the process; you must display them in a method that crafts their significance and implication apparent to your scholars. Given that citations do not verbalize for themselves, you must construct a structure around them in which you verbalize for them.
Mix:
Discovering important quotations is only part of the work you have to do. You have to display them in a way that makes their importance and meaning obvious to your readers. Since quotations can’t talk for themselves, you have to create a frame around them so that you do the talking.
2. In my past writing about dominant culture I found that is it informal. I have a tendency to write the way I speak which isn't a bad thing except for the fact that I use middle school sentence structure. However I do find my writing lacking liveliness so I think I would be a wise choice to use unexpected language now and then.
Sophia Preach
Professor Sabir
English 1A (10:00-10:50)
9 October 2013
They Say/ I Say
Chapter 9
Exercise 1
Original Passage
"Through such imaginative uses of language, Connors and Lunsford inject greater force into what might otherwise have been dry, scholarly prose." (123)
Informal
By using fancy words Connors and Lunsford make their boring writing a little less painful to read.
Formal
By utilizing unique forms of writing Lunsford and and Connors produce compositions that hold a greater attention.
Mix
By creating a original use of language Lunsford and Connors writing has a much more powerful affect on the reader.
Exercise 2
In my Rosa Parks essay I tried to stick to formal language but there were some spots that I could have edited more throughly. In my rewrite I can better blend formal, and more causal writing styles to give my essay a better flow.
In response to Milin, your mixed passage was very nice and I can see the positive effects of blending writing types.
In response to Jacky, I can relate to becoming overly formal in an essay to the point where your idea becomes somewhat lost, it is definitely a balancing act.
Ariana Yu
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 8:00-8:50AM
9 October 2013
They Say/I Say Response Pg. 128
1) Informal Colloquial Language:
Everybody knows someone who is good on the streets but bad in school. What a waste, we think, that someone so smart in survival is not able to use those skills in school. What we don’t think, though, it that it might be the schools’ and colleges’ fault for not connecting street smarts and academic work together.
Formal Language:
Everyone knows a young person who is impressively “street smart” but struggles with school. We perceive those people as a “waste”—that one who is so intelligent about so many things in life seems unable to apple that knowledge to academic purposes. However, what we don’t consider is that schools and colleges are also at fault for missing the opportunity to take the street smarts and channel them into good academic work.
Mixed Language:
Everyone knows some young person who is “street smart” but does poorly in school. What a waste, we think, that a person so intelligent on the streets isn’t able to apply his survival skills in school. What doesn’t occur to us, though, is that it is also the schools’ and colleges’ fault for not teaching street smarts along with good academic work.
2) In my essay that I wrote about Rosa Parks, I found myself very focused on having a formal tone. I think that I was too preoccupied with that worry that I forgot that understanding is also very important in writing. For example, my introduction may be more attractive if I had been more informal, since it is always the slang, or the "out of the ordinary" in a text that captures the most readers.
Lawrence Cheung
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10:00-10:50
9 Oct 2013
They Say I Say Chapter 9 Excercises
1)
Informal Language:
When you write for things, you have to think about who you're writing to. When you write stuff for a job, your words are judged in the interview. If you just slouch and act slangy, you might not get the job. When you're doing these types of things, such as an interview, you have to just do well to be safe. But in other places, you can be more creative and worry less about judgement.
Formal:
When presented with cases and situations all along walks of life, one must think carefully about the purpose and audience their actions and words affect. For instance, when applying to a job interview, highest esteem must be help towards actions and words in the interview. Using inappropriate words will lower chances of receiving the job. On such occassions, it is best to attempt to always to best formally. Though in other situations, creative opportunities arise more often than in formal, high-risk situations.
Mixture:
When encountering situations everywhere on the path of life, thinking about the audience and purpose is important for success. But there are many variances of this idea. For example, when in a job interview, your actions and words must reflect formal and very appropriate choices. Otherwise, you risk losing the job. Informal language must be avoided in this situation because of the circumstances. However, when away from formal situations, a path opens up to where creativity's leash is broken.
Ivon Pena
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10:00am- 10:50am
9 October 2013
They Say/I Say chapter.9
Exercise 1
Original text (pg. 199)
Students do need to read models of intellectually challenging writing and Orwell is a great one if they are to become intellectuals themselves. But they would be more prone to take on intellectual identities if we encouraged them to do so at first on subjects that interest them rather than ones that interest us.
Colloquial Language:
Students should read difficult readings and Orwell is a great one if they want to become smarter. But they would be more likely to learn if we let them on subjects of their choosing instead of ones we choose for them.
Formal:
Students do need to read models of intellectually challenging writing and Orwell is a great one if they are to become intellectuals themselves. But they would be more prone to take on intellectual identities if we encouraged them to do so at first on subjects that interest them rather than ones that interest us.
I could not think of any ways to make this paragraph more formal than it already is, so I left it the way it was in the book.
Blended Styles:
Students should read models of intellectually challenging writings and Orwell is a great one if they want to become more intellectual. But they would be way better off learning through their ambitions and interests versus the ones that interest us.
Exercise 2
My Rosa Parks essay is informal because i tried my best and in some sentences i did just left them like it was. also it was informal because i didn't used correct words and didn't change them.
2)
My Rosa Parks essay, at times, had informal words and references. Sometimes, I would attempt to make a sort of analogy, but it would end up sounding awkward and simply informal. For example, I tried comparing blooming (and the idea of Spring) with the movement, but it came out awkward and some words were informal.
Michael Cunningham
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
9 October 2013
They Say I Say Ch. 9 Ex. 1+2
Ex 1.) Original Paragraph Pg. 210:
Moreover, we don’t need this 0.1% level of security for the full 10,000 years. After 300 years, the fission fragment radioactivity will have decreased by a factor of 10; it will be only 100 times as great as the mined uranium. So by then, we no longer need the risk to be at 0.1% level, but could allow a 1% chance that all of the waste leaks out. That’s a lot easier than guaranteeing absolute containment for 10,000 years. Moreover, this calculation assumes that 100% of the waste escapes. For leakage of 1% of the waste, we can accept a 100% probability after 300 years. When you think about it this way, the storage problem begins to seem tractable.
Informal Colloquial Language:
We really don’t need this 0.1% level of protection for the whole 10,000 years. Beyond 300 years, the fission fragment radioactivity will have went down by a factor of 10; it will only be 100 times as great as the mined Uranium. So by the time we get there we no longer need the risk to be at 0.1% level, but can even let a 1% chance that all of the bad stuff leaks out. That is way simpler than guaranteeing a no spill containment for 10,000 years. Easier said this calculation assumes that 100% of the trash escapes. For a spill of 1% of the waste, we can accept a 100% chance after 300 years. When you think about it this way, the strange problem seems to be easily contained.
Blending Formal and Informal:
We don’t need this 0.1% level of security for the entire 10,000 years. Beyond 300 years, the fission fragment radioactivity will have went down by a factor of 10; it will only be 100 times as great as the mined Uranium. So by the time we get there, there is no longer a need for the risk to be at 0.1% level, but could allow a 1% chance that all the waste leaks out. That is way simpler than guaranteeing absolute containment for 10,000 years. Simply, this calculation assumes that 100% of the waste escapes. For leakage of 1% of the waste, we can accept a 100% chance after 300 years. When you think about it this way, the storage problem seems to be tractable.
Exercise 2: Frederick Douglass Free Write
In the text Frederick Douglass first learns to read by the help of his mistress. The owner of Frederick Douglass was not pleased with this idea. Not only did Frederick Douglass’s owner did not want him taught by another person, but not even his mistress could teach him anymore, yet Fredericks mistress taught him anyway. It was real nice of her to do that, but it was also against the law to help a Negro to learn how to do anything that would make him equal to whites. So by her doing this she took a real big risk of going to jail or even worse. After Frederick Douglass was comfortable reading he then started reading anything he could get his hands on.
Formal Language:
In the text Frederick Douglass has his first lesson to read by the help of his mistress. The owner of Frederick Douglass was not pleased with this idea at all. Not only did Frederick’s slave owner not want him taught by his mistress, he didn’t want him taught by anybody else either, yet his mistress continued to teach him anyway. That was a courageous thing for her to do that, but it was also against the law to help a African-American learn how to do anything that would make them equal to whites. So by her generosity, she took a real big risk of being jailed or even worse. After Frederick felt comfortable with his reading he wanted to read anything and everything he could get his hands on.
Briana Del Cid
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
9 October 2013
Respond:
In response to Kimberly, I can understand why your Rosa Parks’ essay is formal because the need to match with the level of Theoharis writing is hard to resist. However I don’t think your essay should be too informal because using over informal language can be insulting.
In response to Milin, it is difficult to know the right amount of formal and informal to use in an essay or any writing for that matter. I wouldn’t worry too much as long as you got your point across.
Saleena Carpenter
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50am
9 October 2013
They Say I Say Ch.9 Exercises
1.Original Paragraph page 79
"But wait, you say. Isn't the advice to incorporate critical views a recipe for destroying your credibility and undermining your argument? Here you are, trying to say something that will hold up, and we want you to tell readers all the negative things someone might say against you?" (Graff and Birkenstein 79.)
Informal:
Hold up, wait a minute, you say. Doesn't speaking on the haters views make you look stupid and make your argument sound hella irrelevant? , So you're gonna waste your time speaking the real and we want you to acknowledge other people's opinions?
Formal Language:
You may be slightly bewildered. Our advice to include critical opposition is a way to certainly sabotage your justification and compromise the validity of your argument? You are trying to assert your cogent case, and we want you to go against it with every opposing viewpoint?
Blend of Formal and Informal:
Hold up, wait a minute, you say. Isn't the advice to include critical opposition sabotage your justification and make you sound foolish? You are trying to assert your cogent case, and we want you to acknowledge someone else's opinions?
2)In my Rosa Parks rebel essay I was very formal but I feel as if I did not analyze my quotes as well as I could have. My audience might possibly be confused at my point of the quote.
In Response to Jacky Christie:
I like the way you that you created your informal summary because I could actually picture someone telling me this constantly saying like, like, like...a lot of people have the habit.
In response to Evan Hill:
I really enjoyed you colloquial language paragraph it was entertaining and definitely informal. I also like your formal paragraph it was very articulate.
Rebeca Gonzalez
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
They Say Ch.9 Ex: 1and 2
1. Original text:
“In a variety of ways, the mass media helped make us the cultural schizophrenics we are today, women who rebel against yet submit to prevailing images about what a desirable, worthwhile woman should be…[T]he mass media has endangered in many women a kind of cultural identity crisis” (115).
Informal:
What the media says affects every woman. We start to think that if the media describes a woman as a certain way, then we should be that same exact way in order for others to think of us a perfect woman.
Formal:
Not only has the media portrayed the image of a woman to something that isn’t the way all woman are, it has also made a lot of women feel lost of what their real identity is.
Informal/Formal:
The media has affected the way most woman think about herself. Even though some may disagree with what the media portrays about women, most of them find ways to agree to those thoughts and end up losing their own selves to become someone they aren’t just to feel like they are the definition of a real “woman”.
2. In my Rosa Parks essay I feel like I did use a lot of my everyday expression but I also did try to use academic terms. I personally used more of my everyday expression because I feel like it can help catch the audience attention by reading more common words that they are used to hearing in their every day life and it also makes it easier for me to fully describe everything in my perspective of how I though Rosa Parks was a rebel.
Rebeca Gonzalez
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
Responses:
In response to Jacky Christie, I think they way you blended both the informal and formal way was great. It is smooth and it seems like you didn’t try so hard to make them both fit in, the fit in perfect and made sense.
In response to Evan Hill, your informal paragraph was seriously a great example of being informal and it is the exact way everybody talks in general.
Mussa Obad
Wanda Sabir
English 1A (11-11:50)
10/9/13
Chapter Nine They Say I Say
1)I chose my example from page 80.
Formal:
Conversely, if you don't entertain counterarguments, you may very likely come across as closed-minded, as if you think your beliefs are beyond dispute. You might also leave important questions hanging and concerns about your arguments unaddressed. Finally, if you fail to plant a naysayer in your text, you may find that you have very little to say. Our own students often say that entertaining counterarguments makes it easier to generate enough text to meet their assignment's page-length requirements.
Informal:
When you talk, if you don’t speak on both sides, you’ll look bland and closed-minded. You will also leave others confused about how unclear your arguments were. If you don’t add a naysayer in your writing, you won’t have much to say. Our own students always talk about how naysayers help trigger enough writing to finish essays.
Mixture:
Basically, if you don’t present counterarguments, you may very likely come across as insipid, as if you think your beliefs are beyond dispute. You may also leave the reader with too many questions and not enough answers, leaving them concerned about your arguments. Finally, if you fail to plant a naysayer in your text, you won’t have much to illustrate. Our own students often times say that presenting counterarguments can make it easier to generate enough text to complete an essay.
2) I noticed in my Rosa Parks essay that I might have used a mixture of formal and informal language. I would input many strong points, but my informalities would often times diminish the potential my writing could have had. As I progress as a writer, I will plan on focusing on both sides of writing: the writer, and the reader. It’s not that having some kind of informal writing is bad, it’s just that I never used it properly.
-In response to Milin on excercise two, I totally agree with having a mixture of formal and informal as it would lead to a much better understanding of the text.
Mussa Obad
Wanda Sabir
English 1A(11-11:50)
10/9/13
In response to Isabel, I totally agree on her informal paragraph and I also want to acknowledge the wording she used on her informal paragraph. It gave me as a reader, a voice on how that text is said, which not alot of writers can accomplish
Huy Vo
Wanda Sabir
English 1A(11-11:50)
10/9/13
Academic writing requires presenting your sources and your ideas effectively to readers. According to Graff and Birkenstein, the first element in the process involves “entering a conversation about ideas” between you—the writer—and your sources to reflect your critical thinking (ix). The templates allow you, the writer, to organize your ideas in relationship to your thesis, supporting evidence, opposing evidence, and the conclusion of the argument.
Writing good requires giving your sources and your ideas to reader without troubles. The guy Graff and Birkenstein, the first element in the process is “entering a conversation about ideas” between you—the writer—and your sources to reflect your critical thinking (ix). The templates helps you, the writer, to clean your ideas in relationship to your thesis, supporting evidence, opposing evidence, and the conclusion of the argument.
Writing good needs you giving your sources and your ideas to reader without troubles. The guy Graff and Birkenstein, says the process is “entering a conversation about ideas” by you—the writer—and your sources to help your critical thinking (ix). The templates helps you, the writer, to clean your ideas in relationship to your thesis, supporting evidence, opposing evidence, and the conclusion of the argument.
2. I reread my essay of How To Tame a Wild Tongue. And I believe the judgement of informal and formal writing is subjective. However to me, my academic writing is formal. I plan my thoughts out. The difference from my writing and my manner of speaking is my daily words chose is ambiguous, oppose to my writing.
Kaleb L. Beyen
Professor Wanda Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
10 October 2013
Chapter 9 assignment
1.
The Original text: Social science is the study of peoples, how they behave and relate to one another, and the organizations and the institutions that facilitate these interactions. Peoples are complicated, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, taking into account some elements of what people do and why, but not always explaining those actions definitively. As a result, it is the subject of constant conversation and argument. (175, 1st paragraph)
Informal Text: Social science just study peoples, how they behave and relate with each other, and the organizations and the institutions that run these interaction. Peoples are so weird, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, considering some stuff of what people do and why, not always explaining those actions definitively though. As a result, it’s the subject of constant conversation and talk.
Formal: Social science is a discipline that studies peoples, how they behave and interact to one another, and the organizations and the institution that facilitates these interactions. Peoples are intricate, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, taking into account some people do and why, but not always explaining those actions defiantly. As a result, we can say the discipline is the subject of constant conversation and argument.
Mixed: Social science is just a discipline that study peoples, how they behave and interact to each other, and the organization and the institutions that run these interactions. Peoples are complicated, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, taking into account some people do and why, but not explaining those actions defiantly. As a result, we can say the discipline is the subject of constant conversation and argument.
2. In my essay, Rebel, I tried so hard not to express myself informally. However, since we all use and those informal expressions, it was so hard for me to illuminate them. So that, I used informal ways of expression in some places. To mention one, “Her name is very powerful and immortal in every society that struggled for equality and freedom. That Montgomery bus incidence thought so many things for thousands of human right activists that struggled for Human right, Equality, Rule of law and democracy. Indeed her life thought the world many things.” We don’t use the word “indeed” in the middle of a paragraph in most formal essays.
Great examples of the different writing styles. I also liked the cross commentaries for those who completed them.
Deana Watson
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10:00am-10:50am
9th October, 2013
They say I say Chpt 9 Exercises
Original Paragraph:
"But hold on you may be thinking. "Isn't repetition precisely what sophisticated writers should avoid, on the groups that it will make they're writing sound simplistic-as if they are belaboring the obvious"? Yes and no. On the one hand, writers certainly run into trouble if they merely repeat themselves and nothing more. On the other hand, repetition key to creating continuity in writing. It is impossible to stay on track in a piece of writing if you don't repeat your points throughout the length of the text. Page 118.
Informal Paragraph:
Well, every writer runs into stupid things like trouble and don't know how to get them self out. Repeating your self over and over like a broken record. Try not to repeat your self and the writing you're trying to work on won't sound irritating.
Formal:
Every writer runs into trouble, trying not to constantly repeating yourself and that seems to be the only problem and nothing more of it. Repetition is the most important to stay on track, able to move from point A to point B without the continuous relating.
Blend of Formal and Informal:
Well, every writer runs into trouble, trying not to constantly repeating yourself and that seems to be. Trying not to repeat your self over and over making it hard for someone to want to read your work. Repetition is the most important to stay on track, able to move from point A to point B without the continuous relating.
2. In my Rosa Parks rebel essay i was more of a blend of formal and informal. Making my words be an attraction to my peers and others that can understand the formal and informal type of writing. Instead i should have done more formal so that I wouldn't sound uneducated.
Hun Kim
Professor Sabir
English 1A
18 October 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.9
Original Text on page 71 bottom paragraph
1. Informal: Avoid confusion in your writing. Make sure that the people reading your work can tell what you are saying. You can do this by using voice-identifying template related stuff.
Formal: By using voice-identifying templates, you can confirm that the reader will be able to understand what perspective you are using in your text.
Blended in: Since many people can sometimes be confused on what perspective you are talking in, try using voice-identifying templates in order to show who and when someone is talking.
2. I try to keep my writing as formal as possible, and I do so by remembering idioms, using proper coordinating/subordinating phrases, and by keeping to an organized structure. Also, I try not speaking in the first/second person perspective.
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