Monday, Wednesday Cyber-Assignments: They Say, I Say Chapters 9 & 10
In They Say, I Say complete:
Chapter 9: "Academic Writing Doesn't Mean Setting Aside Your Own Voice." Read the chapter. Complete exercises 1 & 2. Post here today.
For Wednesday, read chapter 10, "In Other Words: The Art of Meta-Commentary." Complete exercises and post here.
For the evaluative reading choose something from 50 Essays, an essay you have not commented on before.
Chapter 9: "Academic Writing Doesn't Mean Setting Aside Your Own Voice." Read the chapter. Complete exercises 1 & 2. Post here today.
For Wednesday, read chapter 10, "In Other Words: The Art of Meta-Commentary." Complete exercises and post here.
For the evaluative reading choose something from 50 Essays, an essay you have not commented on before.
posted by Professor Wanda's Posse at 9:44 PM
37 Comments:
Patrick Yu
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
4 November 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.9
1)
Original: In all situations, think carefully about your audience and purpose. When you write a letter applying for a job, for instance, or submit a grant proposal, where your words will be weighed by an official screening body, using language that's too colloquial or slangy may well jeopardize your chances of success. On such occasion,, it is usually best to err on the safe side, conforming as closely as possible to the conversations of standard written English. In other situations for other audiences, however, there is room to be more creative- in this book, for example. Ultimately, your judgments about the appropriate language for the situation should always take into account your likely audience and your purpose in writing.
Informal: Deciding what kind of style that you should use in a paper is just common sense. If you're writing something important like a job application letter, you'd obviously want to write like you have an education. It really just depends on who the audience of your paper is.
Formal: Remember to always think carefully about who the audience will be and what your purpose is. If, for example, you are writing a application letter for a job, it would be best to avoid the such of slangs or any kind informal English. However, if you are writing an essay for a class like Modern World History, it would be perfectly fine to write less formally.
Mixed: The most important factor about choosing whether to write formally or informally is your audience. If you know that your audience is going to judge you based on your paper, write formally. For example, a personal statement for your dream school. If you are writing a story for a creative writing class, go ahead and use as many slangs as you want. You just need to know when's the right time to use a certain style.
2)
Original: In David Zinczenko’s Don’t Blame the Eater, he states that fast food companies make it hard for consumers to know how much calories they are consuming. As a result, more and more children as obtaining type 2 diabetes due to being overweight or obese. Being overweight is a serious problem in America. It is not only unattractive, but it may also lead to more serious health problems, such as heart problems, high blood pressure, stroke, cancer, liver disease, and much more.
Informal: In David Zinczenko's "Don't Blame the Eater, he tells us that fast food restaurants are cheating their customers into thinking that their food is less fattening than it really is. The way they label their calories can easily fool the average customer. This has lead to more overweight and obese people in America. Being overweight is no fun. It not only makes people ugly, but puts them at risk for a bunch of other diseases.
Evan Hill
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
4 November 2013
They Say Chapter 9 ex. 1&2
1. Original
But how do you know when it is better to play things straight and stick to standard English, and when to be more adventuresome and mix things up? When, in other words, should you write "failed to notice" and when is it okay to write "flew under the radar"? Is it always appropriate to mix styles? And when you do so, how do you know when enough is enough?
Formal
But how can you be certain which situation calls for formal language and which for colloquialisms? When is it appropriate to write the phrase "failed to notice" and when is it acceptable to write "flew under the radar"? Should one always incorporate both styles in one's writing? When it is incorporated, what is the proper amount?
Informal
So how are you supposed to know when to use proper English and when to add some slang? Like when can you write "failed to notice" and when can you write "flew under the radar" ya know? Is it cool to always put the styles together? When you do it, how are you supposed to know how much of each style is the right amount?
Mixed
But is it known when it is appropriate to use standard English and when it's OK to add a little something extra to your writing? For example, when should you write "failed to notice" and when should you write "flew under the radar"? Would it be alright to always mix up the two styles together? When you mix it up like that, is there a certain point where it becomes too much?
2. I generally tend to keep most slang out of my academic writing unless it pertains to the situation, but I like to add in my own voice here and there to keep the writing interesting because I know even professors get bored reading stuffy, academic writing all day.
Kimberly Young
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 8:00-8:50 am
4 November 2013
They Say/ I Say Chapter 9
1) Original Text:
All these templates help you hook your readers. By suggesting the real-world applications of your claims, the templates not only demonstrate that others care about your claims but also tell your readers why they should care. Again, it bears repeating that simply stating and proving your thesis isn't enough. You also need to frame it in a way that helps readers care about it.
Informal:
All these templates help hook your readers. Suggesting the real-world applications of the claims, the templates aren’t just demonstrating that others feel for your claim but also saying why people should care. Over and over, it bears repeating that just saying and upholding your thesis isn't sufficient. You need to put it in a way to make people believe it.
Formal:
All these templates help to grab the readers' attention. By suggesting the real world application of claims, the templates not only demonstrate that readers believe these claims but also explain why they should care. Again, it bears repeating that directly stating and proving the thesis is not enough. Displaying the thesis in a method that would help readers understand the claim is important.
Mix:
All these templates help you to grab your readers' attention. By suggesting the real-world applications of your claims, the templates aren’t just demonstrating that others feel for your claim but also saying why people should care. Again, it bears repeating that just saying and upholding your thesis isn't sufficient. Displaying the thesis in a method that would help readers understand the claim is significant.
2) Looking back at my Rosa Parks' essay, I saw that I was more on the formal side than informal. I think for an essay for an English class is supposed to be more formal, but I think I should have lessened the formality a little to make the audience more comfortable. In some parts when I am trying to explain my quotes, I tend to use casual language like "isn't" and "they tell nobody." These informal use of language helps me grab my readers attention, but make my paper sound unprofessional.
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Anita Madden
Professor Sabir
English 1a 11-11:50
4 November 2013
Original text pg. 24:
These templates are popular because they provide a quick and efficient way to perform one of the most common moves that writers make: challenging widely accepted beliefs, placing them on the examining table and analyzing their strengths and weakness.
Formal:
These templates are favored so much because they provide the writer an easier and a more logical way of writing: challenging broadly accepted values and examining their strengths and weakness.
Mix:
However these templates are most popular amongst writers because it is an easy and productive way to write: challenging broadly values and beliefs that are not commonly accepted and laying it on the table to evaluate its strengths and weakness.
2. I looked over my Rosa Parks essay and noticed that I used more of informal language. I could have broaden my vocabulary for the level I am suppose to be writing at. Overall I had good sentence structure such as complex sentences.
Denise Burgara
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 11am
4 November 2013
They say Ch 9
1) Original Paragraph from p.68
If good academic writing involves putting yourself into dialogue with others, it is extremely important that readers be able to tell at every point when you are expressing your own view and when you are stating someone else’s. This chapter takes up the problem of moving from what you say without confusing readers about who is saying what.
Re-written Informal
If good writing means putting yourself into a conversation with buddies, it is important that they are able to see at every point when you are showing your own view and when you are saying another person’s view. This chapter shows the problem of moving from what they say to what you say without creating a blur to the readers about who is saying what.
Re-written Formal and Informal
If good academic writing includes putting yourself into a dialogue with others, it is important that readers are able to tell at every point when you are expressing your own view and when you are showing someone else’s. This chapter covers the problem of transitioning from what you say without creating confusion in your writing to the readers about who is saying what.
2) My Original Work
When it comes to the topic of the Community building support to Parks, most of us will readily agree that they all took a stand together to fight for their lives as this was almost barring at an end. “Hundreds of people stood outside court and packed the corridors of the courthouse…to demonstrate their support.”(88)
“Non-academic"
Park’s community was on her side the whole time, their support helped her fight and stand up to fight for what they wanted. When all of this was almost done, “Hundreds of people stood outside court and packed the corridors of the courthouse…to demonstrate their support.”(88)
Jacky Christie
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
10/8/13
Chapter 9 Exercises
1.
Re-write of Pg. 94, paragraph 2 "Dressed-down version"
So Denise basically is saying stuff that's important, but like she's replying to someone else. She mentions other scientists, so it's like she's saying what she's talking about is important. It's like she's saying "what I'm saying here has to do with other stuff too, and you should be interested, not just me", 'cause she talks about other people who would think her topic matters.
"Dressed-up version"
In The Secret Life of a Potent Cell, Denise Grady writes in such a fashion that puts forth and centralizes a specific viewpoint, as well as outlining said viewpoint in a way that addresses the topic as if she were responding to an already-existing claim. By associating a specific, legitimate community of scientists with her ideas, she is making a connection that one could perceive must mean her topic reaches to those other than herself. She references other specialists that she believes will take notice and interest in what she has proposed, and therefore reflecting the importance and relevance of her writing to a broader audience
"Blended version"
As we can see by Grady's piece, addressing individuals or communities other than yourself- in this case, fellow specialists- can be beneficial. In other words, if you only go on talking about your topic in a way that seems to only interest you or people in your situation, other people reading it aren't going to see why they should care. The Secret Life of a Potent Cell is a perfect example of why referencing outside perspectives makes our own words seem stronger, and more interesting, because it attracts readers who might not have thought the topic applied to them.
2.
When looking through my Rosa Parks: A Rebel essay, particularly in the body paragraphs, it seems that my writing slips into more of an "overly-formal" feel. I try to define the term "rebel" in a way that can be applicable to many different people, but I'm afraid that with all of my direct/ paraphrasing citations from the book, the wording might come off as a little too, well, "by the book". I could've probably cut out a few of the direct quotations and added a little more of my own writing about the actual term "rebel" and how it relates to us, citizens of today (probably my audience).
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Susan Gyemant
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11/11:50
They Say/I Say Ch9
4 November 2013
Exercise 1 – When To Mix Styles
a. But how do you know whether using the same ole English will be the home run, and when writing with a twist is the potential grand slam? Basically, when does, “flew under the radar,” buff up a paper that initially expressed the same idea with, “failed to notice?” Is it always in the cards to shuffle the two styles? Let’s say it is cool to shuffle – can you over do it?
b. When is traditional English more suitable, as opposed to fancy free writing? For example, in which case does the phrase “flew under the radar” take the place of “failed to notice?” Is it academically acceptable to implement both styles simultaneously? If so, is it probable that practicing this combination might lead the writer to over-extend the benefits?
c. But how do you know when it is better to use formal rhetoric, and when to be more laid back in order to achieve diversity? For example, when is it acceptable to simply say “failed to notice” as opposed to using a the colorful variation “flew under the radar?” Is it safe to assume that mixing it up is likely appropriate? And if you rely on the aforementioned assumption, is there a limit?
Exercise 2 – Mike Rose “I Just Wanna Be Average”
"Mr. Montez’s tenuous authority was finally ripped to shreds, and I think everyone felt a little strange about that. The charade was over, and when it came down to it, I don’t think any of the kids really wanted it to end this way" (Rose).
Notes:
Mike Rose used familiar sayings like, “ripped to shreds” which conveys a realized vulnerability. “The charade was over” illustrates the end of the students' manipulation over their teacher. The line, ”when it came down to it” sounds like a phrase I would use in a friendly conversation.
Briana Del Cid
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
4 November 2013
Ain’t So / Is Not
1. Finding relevant quotations is only part of your job; you also need to present them in a way that makes their relevance and meaning clear to your readers. Since quotations do not speak for themselves, you need to build a frame around them in which you do that speaking for them.
Undressed:
Finding important quotes isn't all the work you have to do. You have to show them in a way that makes their importance and meaning obvious to the bookworms. Since quotes can’t talk, you have to create an outline for them so that you do the talking.
Overdressed:
Discovering applicable citations is merely a fraction of the process; you must display them in a method that crafts their significance and implication apparent to your scholars. Given that citations do not verbalize for themselves, you must construct a structure around them in which you verbalize for them.
Mix:
Discovering important quotations is only part of the work you have to do. You have to display them in a way that makes their importance and meaning obvious to your readers. Since quotations can’t talk for themselves, you have to create a frame around them so that you do the talking.
2. In my past writing about dominant culture I found that is it informal. I have a tendency to write the way I speak which isn't a bad thing except for the fact that I use middle school sentence structure. However I do find my writing lacking liveliness so I think I would be a wise choice to use unexpected language now and then.
Daniel Mao
Professor Sabir
English 1A/ 8:00
4 October 2013
They Say, I Say Chapter 9
1.
Original text
Have you ever gotten the impression that writing well in college means setting aside the kind of language you use in every day conversation? That to impress your instructors you need to use big words, long sentences, and complex sentence structures? If so, then we’re here to tell you that it ain’t necessarily so. On the contrary, academic writing can-and in our view should- be relaxed, easy to follow, and even a little bit fun. Although we don’t want to suggest that you avoid using sophisticated, academic terms in your writing, we encourage you to draw upon the kinds of expressions and turns of phrase that you use every day when conversing with family and friends. In this chapter, we want to show you how you can write effective academic arguments while holding on to some of your own voice.
Informal
Writing in college does not have to be too complicated. You can write by using your everyday language. You shouldn’t feel like you need to overcomplicate your writing. You have to feel comfortable using the type of language you are used to. So, use the language you are used to in your writing. That’s what this chapter will show you how to do.
Formal
Articulating a complex composition does not need to stray too far from the language that you normally use in life. A composition should flow as freely as a conversation that you may be having during an average day. It is this language, the language that you use daily, that you should use in your writing. This chapter will guide you to understand how to do this properly.
Mix
A complex composition doesn’t need to be too complicated. It should incorporate the type of language you are accustomed to in everyday life. It is the language you are most familiar with. So, use it. This chapter will help clarify on how to accomplish this.
2. I think I generally speak the same way that I write. When I am communicating, I keep my audience in mind whether it is in a paper or speaking. Sometimes, I will try to add a more personal touch to my papers, but I am not very good at it. It is hard for me to convey different tones in my writing through words. I can see that very clearly while looking over some of my past assignments.
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Ariana Yu
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 8:00-8:50AM
4 November 2013
They Say/I Say Response Chapter 9
They Say/I Say Response Pg. 128
1) Informal Colloquial Language:
Everybody knows someone who is good on the streets but bad in school. What a waste, we think, that someone so smart in survival is not able to use those skills in school. What we don’t think, though, it that it might be the schools’ and colleges’ fault for not connecting street smarts and academic work together.
Formal Language:
Everyone knows a young person who is impressively “street smart” but struggles with school. We perceive those people as a “waste”—that one who is so intelligent about so many things in life seems unable to apple that knowledge to academic purposes. However, what we don’t consider is that schools and colleges are also at fault for missing the opportunity to take the street smarts and channel them into good academic work.
Mixed Language:
Everyone knows some young person who is “street smart” but does poorly in school. What a waste, we think, that a person so intelligent on the streets isn’t able to apply his survival skills in school. What doesn’t occur to us, though, is that it is also the schools’ and colleges’ fault for not teaching street smarts along with good academic work.
2) In my essay that I wrote about Rosa Parks, I found myself very focused on having a formal tone. I think that I was too preoccupied with that worry that I forgot that understanding is also very important in writing. For example, my introduction may be more attractive if I had been more informal, since it is always the slang, or the "out of the ordinary" in a text that captures the most readers.
Kaleb L. Beyen
Professor Wanda Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
5 November 2013
Chapter 9 assignment
1.
The Original text: Social science is the study of peoples, how they behave and relate to one another, and the organizations and the institutions that facilitate these interactions. Peoples are complicated, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, taking into account some elements of what people do and why, but not always explaining those actions definitively. As a result, it is the subject of constant conversation and argument. (175, 1st paragraph)
Informal Text: Social science just study peoples, how they behave and relate with each other, and the organizations and the institutions that run these interaction. Peoples are so weird, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, considering some stuff of what people do and why, not always explaining those actions definitively though. As a result, it’s the subject of constant conversation and talk.
Formal: Social science is a discipline that studies peoples, how they behave and interact to one another, and the organizations and the institution that facilitates these interactions. Peoples are intricate, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, taking into account some people do and why, but not always explaining those actions defiantly. As a result, we can say the discipline is the subject of constant conversation and argument.
Mixed: Social science is just a discipline that study peoples, how they behave and interact to each other, and the organization and the institutions that run these interactions. Peoples are complicated, so any study of human behavior is at best partial, taking into account some people do and why, but not explaining those actions defiantly. As a result, we can say the discipline is the subject of constant conversation and argument.
2. In my essay, Rebel, I tried so hard not to express myself informally. However, since we all use and those informal expressions, it was so hard for me to illuminate them. So that, I used informal ways of expression in some places. To mention one, “Her name is very powerful and immortal in every society that struggled for equality and freedom. That Montgomery bus incidence thought so many things for thousands of human right activists that struggled for Human right, Equality, Rule of law and democracy. Indeed her life thought the world many things.” We don’t use the word “indeed” in the middle of a paragraph in most formal essays.
Tiffany Gregory
Professor Sabir
English 1A / 10-10:50
November 4th 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.9
Original
These templates are popular because they provide a quick and efficient way to perform one of the most common moves that writers make: challenging widely accepted beliefs, placing them on the examining table and analyzing their strengths and weakness. (pg. 24 :)
Informal
The templates used are good because they give quick and correct ways to perceive something most writers always do: go against crazy but endurable personal opinions, put them into light and figure out what are the good and bad parts about them.
Formal
Certain templates are preferred more than others simply the reason being they conquer speedy and coherent ways to exude the preferred choices writers makes: Fighting against what people may conceive as being the correct way tossing these idealistic ideas on a wide variety of other informative ideas to get the best and worst probable outcomes.
Mix
At times templates are the ones most requested because they give you fast and easy ways to get the extremely common procedures writers tends to make: this gives others ideas to what most people collectively believe, putting these concoctions in the light and displaying their good and bad aspects.
Most effective version
I believe the most effective version is the mix because it gives you a chance to get broad information but you don’t have to be that formal with your final analysis.
Something I’ve written: Anne Frank / Book Report
Find something you've written for this particular course was my book report on Anne Frank., I read over it and rationalized with myself that I didn’t really use any of my own everyday expressions I actually wrote the essay formally for the most part. I tried to keep the structure strictly academic. At times it may have seemed causal and that’s because the way Anne is giving he facts and description are casual in a sense anyways. There are areas where I could have been more descriptive and that would have added another fare to my text, made it livelier. However, I must say I like the way Anne gave specific details and the language I was able to interpret was one of generous attitude and humbled outcome.
Angel Vargas
Professor Sabir
English 8:00
5 November, 2013
They Say I Say Chapter 9
Have you ever felt that writing well in college means not talking like you do everyday? That writing all fancy like using words and structures a philosopher would use. If you did, then, you’re wrong, well , not really, kinda. You’re kinda wrong cuz professional writing should flow like a river and be fun. Tho you should probably also write well with those long words. You should draw up experiences and words used in your everyday life with friends and family. In this chapter, we want to show you how you can write an overall better paper voicing yourself.
Have you ever gotten the impression that in order to succeed in college you must abandon all traces of everyday vernacular? That to impress your instructors you must have a large vocabulary and follow every rule in the English grammar. If that is the case you’ll be relieved to hear that is not always so. On the contrary, academic writing can-- and in our view should--be relaxed, easy to follow and even a little bit fun. Continue with the large words, but also incorporate a more familiar set of words. In this chapter, we want to show you how you can write effective academic arguments while holding on to some of your own voice
Have you ever felt that writing well in college means abandoning all vernacular? That writing all fancy following all rules of grammar is most preferred. If that is the case you’ll be relieved to hear that is always isn’t true. On the contrary, you should draw up experiences and words used in your everyday life, making it a bit fun. Continue with the large words but also work in some more words we all know.
Michael Cunningham
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
4 November 2013
They Say I Say Ch. 9 Ex. 1+2
Ex 1.) Original Paragraph Pg. 210:
Moreover, we don’t need this 0.1% level of security for the full 10,000 years. After 300 years, the fission fragment radioactivity will have decreased by a factor of 10; it will be only 100 times as great as the mined uranium. So by then, we no longer need the risk to be at 0.1% level, but could allow a 1% chance that all of the waste leaks out. That’s a lot easier than guaranteeing absolute containment for 10,000 years. Moreover, this calculation assumes that 100% of the waste escapes. For leakage of 1% of the waste, we can accept a 100% probability after 300 years. When you think about it this way, the storage problem begins to seem tractable.
Informal Colloquial Language:
We really don’t need this 0.1% level of protection for the whole 10,000 years. Beyond 300 years, the fission fragment radioactivity will have went down by a factor of 10; it will only be 100 times as great as the mined Uranium. So by the time we get there we no longer need the risk to be at 0.1% level, but can even let a 1% chance that all of the bad stuff leaks out. That is way simpler than guaranteeing a no spill containment for 10,000 years. Easier said this calculation assumes that 100% of the trash escapes. For a spill of 1% of the waste, we can accept a 100% chance after 300 years. When you think about it this way, the strange problem seems to be easily contained.
Blending Formal and Informal:
We don’t need this 0.1% level of security for the entire 10,000 years. Beyond 300 years, the fission fragment radioactivity will have went down by a factor of 10; it will only be 100 times as great as the mined Uranium. So by the time we get there, there is no longer a need for the risk to be at 0.1% level, but could allow a 1% chance that all the waste leaks out. That is way simpler than guaranteeing absolute containment for 10,000 years. Simply, this calculation assumes that 100% of the waste escapes. For leakage of 1% of the waste, we can accept a 100% chance after 300 years. When you think about it this way, the storage problem seems to be tractable.
Exercise 2: Frederick Douglass Free Write
In the text Frederick Douglass first learns to read by the help of his mistress. The owner of Frederick Douglass was not pleased with this idea. Not only did Frederick Douglass’s owner did not want him taught by another person, but not even his mistress could teach him anymore, yet Fredericks mistress taught him anyway. It was real nice of her to do that, but it was also against the law to help a Negro to learn how to do anything that would make him equal to whites. So by her doing this she took a real big risk of going to jail or even worse. After Frederick Douglass was comfortable reading he then started reading anything he could get his hands on.
Formal Language:
In the text Frederick Douglass has his first lesson to read by the help of his mistress. The owner of Frederick Douglass was not pleased with this idea at all. Not only did Frederick’s slave owner not want him taught by his mistress, he didn’t want him taught by anybody else either, yet his mistress continued to teach him anyway. That was a courageous thing for her to do that, but it was also against the law to help a African-American learn how to do anything that would make them equal to whites. So by her generosity, she took a real big risk of being jailed or even worse. After Frederick felt comfortable with his reading he wanted to read anything and everything he could get his hands on.
Jacky Christie
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:30
11/5/13
They Say, I Say Exercises (pg. 137-138)
1. For this exercise, I read and analyzed How You Became You, by Durham University chancellor Bill Bryson. I found that Bryson used few, but indeed, some metacomentary in his writing. It didn't always follow the exact templates used in They Say, I Say, but the message was the same. He "wards off potential misunderstandings" with phrases like, "They are ____...after all, and not____...". He also uses a few phrases that "move from a general claim to a specific example", such as, "Consider the fact that…". These phrases and a few others are true signals that Bryson acknowledges the reading audience, and their possible range of understanding.
2.
a. In making a case for the medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that anyone who complains of the slightest ache or pain should have immediate legal access to it.
b. But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also discuss just how harmful these toxins are to us as humans on Earth.
c. My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many politicians that people love competition.
d. I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: the war had breathtaking body counts, damage to the economy, and no logical reasoning for the benefit in entering the war in the first place. In this way (because of this), I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Rebeca Gonzalez
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
They Say Ch.9 Ex: 1and 2
1. Original text:
“In a variety of ways, the mass media helped make us the cultural schizophrenics we are today, women who rebel against yet submit to prevailing images about what a desirable, worthwhile woman should be…[T]he mass media has endangered in many women a kind of cultural identity crisis” (115).
Informal:
What the media says affects every woman. We start to think that if the media describes a woman as a certain way, then we should be that same exact way in order for others to think of us a perfect woman.
Formal:
Not only has the media portrayed the image of a woman to something that isn’t the way all woman are, it has also made a lot of women feel lost of what their real identity is.
Informal/Formal:
The media has affected the way most woman think about herself. Even though some may disagree with what the media portrays about women, most of them find ways to agree to those thoughts and end up losing their own selves to become someone they aren’t just to feel like they are the definition of a real “woman”.
2. I personally think that using a bit of slang language in our writing makes It more interesting because its not so boring and robotic. I try to put in the appropriate slang terms into my writing and also the appropriate amount. I think that by adding a little bit of slang language it makes the writing more me because its most likely the way I would talk.
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Kimberly Young
Professor Sabir
English 1A, 8:00-8:50 am
5 Novemeber 2013
They Say, I Say Chapter 10
1. The article “Hidden Intellectualism” by Gerald Graff shows amazing usage of metacommentary. Although the article doesn't use many metacommentary templates presented from chapter 10, it still provides a unique range of metacommetary phrases. Some examples include: on the other hand, in one way, and to be sure. Some metacommentaries that I thought this article should have included were for example and just as important. I thought that the metacommenary were really important in the article because it guided the reader as he or she is reading the book. If there aren’t any metacommentary phrases, I think most readers' would have interrupted this article differently.
2. In making a case for the medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that there has to be a law passed to legalize the buying and selling or marijuana.
But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also elaborate why toxic chemical should not be used.
My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many economists that the obsession for sports is one that is very costly.
I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: during the course of the war over 10 million Americans died and in addition to that the United States has spent 2 billion on supplies. The death of 10 million Americans and cost of 2 million dollars is not worth the fight for oil prices in Africa. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Briana Del Cid
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
5 November 2013
But Don’t Get Me Wrong
1. The article Turkeys in the Kitchen by Dave Berry uses some metacommentary, enough that the reader doesn’t become confused. The author uses metacommentary by elaborating his points and using specific examples for a general claim. I feel that the author could have included more metacommentary to spice things up. The author does follow some templates, not word for word but it is easy to stop the similarities. Forms of metacommentary that are not mention in this chapter are: “But that is not my point. My point is ____” and “One more example, ____”. I think this enhances the author’s writing because it allows us to reflect on his past points making it easier to full understand what the author is trying to communicate.
2.
a. In making a case for medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that the use of the drug is a minor threat, but in fact medical use of marijuana needs a set of regulations so that it can benefit the people who truly need it.
b. But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also prove that all industrial chemicals have certain toxic properties that show fatal towards humans and animals.
c. My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many fans that the greatest form of entertainment in the United States is sports TV.
d. I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: this war had devastating outcomes on civilians, families, soldiers, and the economy. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Melon Yemane
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
6 November 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.9
Original Text PG.71
To avoid confusion in your own writing, make sure that at every point your readers can clearly tell who is saying what. To do so, you can use as voice-identifying devices many of the templates presented in previous chapters.
Informal Colloquial Language
Confusing your audience ain't coo, so what you need to do is quote people so they know who's talkin'.
Dressed Up
Enunciate who is speaking in your writing, to cut confusion from your audience.
The Blends with the Two Styles
There are several ways to minimize the issue with who is the speaker in a text, this will help your audience notice your points clearly. These techniques are found in "They Say" along with templates that will guide you.
2. As rereading my older to new writings I have yet to find any non-academic writing. By shifting into casual language may help if you are trying to grasp your audience of a younger generation. For instance by using slang that they may use can help attain their attention. Such as "my sistas and brothas".
Patrick Yu
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
6 November 2013
They Say / I Say Ch.10
1. In Maxine Hong Kingston's "No Name Woman", she does not make use of metacomments. I don't think metacomments are needed in this essay because it's telling a story, rather than arguing something.
2.
In making a case for the medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that it should be legalized. Dangerous drugs must be legalized at all costs. But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also explain how the addiction of drugs can ruin one's life.
My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many sport fans that one team is better than the other. I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: Although sport fans have the right to love and support their home team, I believe that they shouldn't bad mouth opposing teams. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Alma Ramirez
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8:50AM
4 November 2013
They Say/I Say Chapter 9 Exercise 1 and 2
1. Original Paragraph from Page 44:
“Finding relevant quotations is only a part of your job; you also need to present them in a way that makes their relevance and meaning clear to your readers. Since quotations do not speak for themselves, you need to build a frame around them in which you do not speak for them.”
Informal:
Not only do you need to find important quotations for your essay, but also try to explain how they are related to your point and also easy to understand for your readers. All good quotations don’t just answer your readers’ questions, but the way you put them in your writing can either make you or break you.
Formal:
When writing your essay, it is imperative to recognize important quotations and use these on your essay, as well as clearly defining these references. It is essential to exemplify what you are trying to tell your reader with this quote.
Mix:
When writing your essay, it is very important to find quotations and apply these to your essay, but this is not all that needs to be done. The most important part of quotes is explaining them in order to connect them to what you want your reader to take out of the reading.
2. In my book report on a rebel, which was Katniss Everdeen of the book The Hunger Games, I used a mix of both informal as well as formal writing. I feel that this actually helped me get my point across better than if I would have only used formal writing. I agree with this chapter of They Say that one must use a mix of both, since you have to stay on academic writing by writing formally, but if you add a little of your own writing as well, it adds your style to the writing as well and also makes your message stronger.
Ivon Pena
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10:00am- 10:50am
6 November 2013
They Say/I Say chapter.9
Exercise 1
Original text (pg. 199 Hidden Intellectualism by Gerald Graff):
Students do need to read models of intellectually challenging writing — and Orwell is a great one — if they are to become intellectuals themselves. But they would be more prone to take on intellectual identities if we encouraged them to do so at first on subjects that interest them rather than ones that interest us.
Colloquial Language:
Students should read difficult readings — and Orwell is a great one — if they want to become smarter. But they would be more likely to learn if we let them on subjects of their choosing instead of ones we choose for them.
Formal:
Students do need to read models of intellectually challenging writing — and Orwell is a great one — if they are to become intellectuals themselves. But they would be more prone to take on intellectual identities if we encouraged them to do so at first on subjects that interest them rather than ones that interest us.
I could not think of any ways to make this paragraph more formal than it already is, so I left it the way it was in the book.
Blended Styles:
Students should read models of intellectually challenging writings – and Orwell is a great one – if they want to become more intellectual. But they would be way better off learning through their ambitions and interests versus the ones that interest us.
Exercise 2
My Rosa Parks essay is informal because i tried my best and in some sentences i did just left them like it was. Also it was informal because i didn't used correct words and didn't change them.
Tiffany Hoang
Professor Sabir
English 1A: 8-8:50 am
06 November 2013
Chapter 10 Exercises
Colin Noir's article, "Opinion: Gun Control in a Vaccumm" contains alot of metacommentary use in supporting his pro view of gun use. He uses phrases like "no matter what the law says" and "realists like myself understand this." I think his use of metacommentary helped strengthened his stance and helped readers follow his reasons he intended to.
2. In making a case for medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that it is okay in legalizing it.
But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also specify the individual side effects these chemicals can have on people and animals.
My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many that it is okay to take steroids.
I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: Wars do not solve anything. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Daniel Mao
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8:00
6 November 2013
Chapter 10
1) I chose to read “The Allegory of the Cave” by Plato. Plato does use quite a bit of metacommentary in this piece. He doesn’t follow any of the templates, but I can see that he is using metacommentary. He uses “I mean…” and other ways to show his emphasize his points as well as weave new ones into them. It is difficult to really use his writing style as a template because it is from a different time. I think his use of it greatly enhances his style of writing.
2) In making a case for medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that it is morally wrong for people to freely use it.
But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also high light many other industrial chemicals with negative effects.
My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many business leaders that the sports franchise industry is far from being over.
I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: there has been little to no evidence of the existence of weapons of mass destruction. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Ivon Pena
Professor Wanda Sabir
English 1A 10:00am-10:50am
6 November 2013
They Say/ I Say chapter 10 exercises 1,2
Exercise1
In his article, McAneny did not use any met commentary, and he definitely didn't use any templates from the chapter. I feel that his writing could have really improved if he were to use met commentary. It would have given depth to an otherwise flat article that simply states facts and seems to be written with a half-assed attitude.
Exercise2
As for the legalization of marijuana for recreational use: So far, most politicians seem wary of the topic, and are being more conservative in their public statements than polls would suggest.
Most likely, Most of the identified health risks of marijuana use are related to smoke, not to the cannabis that produce the benefits. Smoking is a primitive drug delivery system. The one advantage of smoking is that it provides a rapid-onset drug effect. The effects of smoked marijuana are felt within minutes, which is ideal for the treatment of pain or nausea. If marijuana is to become a component of conventional medicine, it is essential that we develop a rapid-onset cannabinoid delivery system that is safer and more effective than smoking crude plant material."
Michael Cunningham
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
6 November 2013
They Say I Say Ch. 10 Ex. 1+2
Exercise 1:
I chose to annotate the essay by Barbara Lazear Ascher who wrote “On Compassion”. She uses metacommentary a couple of times in her essay the one that really stands out is the one in the end where she talks about Greek Gods, and then says or could it be, making us think that it can be a number of things. When I compared her work to the book she used many transitional words mostly “and”, but when it came to the metacommentary I had to read the essay a couple of times to find some. Her metacommentary was not in the book word for word. I think her use of metacommentary enhanced her essay because it makes us the reader think about what view we want to make.
Exercise 2:
In making a case for the medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that it is bad, but many people do not use it for the right reasons.
But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article I will also show the non-toxic properties of this chemical.
My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many people that many players use PED’s ( Player Enhancement Drugs) to get better even though it is against the rules of the sport.
I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: We should have never attacked Iraq because it just caused more trouble. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Hugo Saavedra
Professor Sabir
English 1A 11-11:50
4 November 2013
They Say / I Say Chapter 9
Chapter 9 Exercises
1. Original: “At times you might be reluctant to express disagreement, for any number of reasons – not wanting to be unpleasant, to hurt someone’s feelings, or to make yourself vulnerable to being disagreed with in return. One of these reasons may in fact explain why the conference speaker we described at the start of Chapter 1 avoided mentioning the disagreement he had with other scholars until he was provoked to do so in the discussion that followed the talk.”
Dressed down: There are lots of reasons that you might not be too into disagreeing with folks at a given time – you might not want to come off as a jerk, or piss people off, or set yourself up for getting disagreed with yourself. One of these reasons might explain why the dude we talked about at the start of Chapter 1 didn’t say what was on his mind until he got provoked to speak up in the discussion that came afterwards.
Dressed up: On occasion, one might feel reluctant to express disagreement. There are any number of reasons one may experience such reticence in the face of such controversy. One may not wish to be discourteous or abrasive, or cause offense, or become vulnerable to disagreement. It is possible that one of these reasons is the cause for the conference speaker referenced at the beginning of the first chapter of this book to have avoided mentioning the disagreement he had with other scholars until he was provoked to do so in the subsequent discussion.
2. It is very difficult for me to evaluate the appropriateness of the register of my writing. For some reason, I have a block with it. I know that in general, I tend to use a register that is overly academic or formal, and tend to use it in contexts where more personal language would be appropriate.
Alma Ramirez
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8:50AM
6 November 2013
They Say/I Say Chapter 10
1. In “The Myth of the Latin Womam: I Just met a Girl named Maria” by Judith Ortiz Cofer, the author makes a perfect use of metacommentary in her writing. The author uses some templates from They Say/I Say, as well as her own templates. Some examples of metacommentary in Ortiz Cofer’s essay include the following: “This lead us to,” “This is what I have gleaned from my discussion,” “This transition, as I see it,” “My personal goal in my public life is to,” “Everytime I give a reading, I hope the stories I tell can achieve.”
In my opinion, the use of metacommunication in the essay by Judith Ortiz Cofer makes her main point stronger. Since the essay is about how Cofer dislikes the way Latinas are perceived and would like to someday change this myth that people have, her usage of metacommunication keeps the reader focused on the main point.
2. In making a case for the medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that it is good for people, but maybe it would help reduce the amount of people going to jail.
But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also show how this can deeply affect our health.
I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: the amount of man leaving their families, the huge amount of deaths, and even the deep emotional scars it leaves on these men. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Saleena Carpenter
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50am
6 November 2013
They Say I Say Ch.9 Exercises
1.Original Paragraph page 79
"But wait, you say. Isn't the advice to incorporate critical views a recipe for destroying your credibility and undermining your argument? Here you are, trying to say something that will hold up, and we want you to tell readers all the negative things someone might say against you?" (Graff and Birkenstein 79.)
Informal:
Hold up, wait a minute, you say. Doesn't speaking on the haters views make you look stupid and make your argument sound hella irrelevant? , So you're gonna waste your time speaking the real and we want you to acknowledge other people's opinions?
Formal Language:
You may be slightly bewildered. Our advice to include critical opposition is a way to certainly sabotage your justification and compromise the validity of your argument? You are trying to assert your cogent case, and we want you to go against it with every opposing viewpoint?
Blend of Formal and Informal:
Hold up, wait a minute, you say. Isn't the advice to include critical opposition sabotage your justification and make you sound foolish? You are trying to assert your cogent case, and we want you to acknowledge someone else's opinions?
2)In my Rosa Parks rebel essay I was very formal but I feel as if I did not analyze my quotes as well as I could have. My audience might possibly be confused at my point of the quote.
2. In my writing I do a very good job of Keeping my language formal. Depending on the assignment I hate to use formal language. If it seems too formal I will definitely change it.
Isabel Grande
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8-8:50
9 October 2013
They Say – chap. 9
1. Take a paragraph from this book and dress it down, rewriting it in informal colloquial language. Then rewrite the same paragraph again by dressing it up, making it much more formal. Then rewrite the paragraph one more time in a way that blends the two styles. Share your paragraphs with a classmate, and discuss which versions are most effective
My dressed down version of the above paragraph goes something like this:
Pick a small section in this book to write it again, and without having to worry too much about sounding all that smart. Then, write it again one more time, this time making it sound as if you are a hot shot. Then again, for the third and last time, write that section again, only this time you will combine the two styles to make a whole new writing. Show your new writes with another classmate and talk about which way you guys like best and why.
Second part of the exercise- a concisely eloquent version of the above paragraph
Restructure a paragraph from this book into a proletarian version of it. Then again, utilizing the same paragraph, create a new sophisticated and academically reflecting version of it. Lastly, merge the two styles to create a third and final modification. Analyze this process and its results with a classmate, and elaborate on the effectiveness from each model.
A little bit of this and that in order to create the desired effect, (combining the two)
Choose a paragraph from this book and put it in simpler, every day terms. Then rewrite it again with the intention to polish it a bit more, and make it sound more sophisticated. For the third in rewriting this paragraph try combining the two previous ways into one. See which one you and your classmates find more effective and why?
Isabel Grande
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8-8:30 AM
08 November 2013
They Say. Chapter 10.2
• In making a case for the medical marijuana, I am not saying that it should be use as a fix all type of remedy, but rather more as complementary treatment approach to the given medical condition.
• But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic property. In this article, I will also bring to the audience’s attention the alarming fact that this toxic property is already, as you are reading this, causing health problem amongst the habitants in the surrounding areas of its manufacturing.
• My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many health experts that in becoming obsessed fanatics people are also become too sedentary and inactive as oppose to being the athlete themselves.
• I believe, therefore, that war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: We are planning to go make war at a government that our own nation placed in power and financially supported in the past. If we made the mistake of nurturing a government that we now believe to be anti human rights, how can we, the people, now trust the same officials who supported this corrupt government to lead us into a war we really know nothing about? In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
Isabel Grande
Professor Sabir
English 1A 8-8:50
09 November 2013
They say. Chapter 10.1
For this exercise I am using Essay ‘Sex, Drugs, Disasters, and the Extinction of Dinosaurs’ by Stephen Jay Gould on pages 167-177.
• Phrases that establish/differentiate views: “Science, in its most fundamental definition . . . not the essence” (169)
“Since these three notions . . . fascinating claims” (170)
“Please note I’m not speaking of truth or falsity” (170)
• Road map to text: “Science works with testable proposals. . . . evidence mounts” (170)
“Simply consider how evolution . . . every intellectual field” (170)
“Let’s move on to the dinosaurs . . .for their extinction” ( 170)
• Transitional phrases: “Simply consider how the idea . . . intellectual field”(170)
“ But, enough preaching. . . . for their extinctions” (170)
“I want to show why two of them . . . grand and most useful” (170)
• Anticipate objections: “We can never be . . . that is wrong”(170)
This whole paragraph is anticipating objections “Useless speculations . . . testable knowledge reaches out.” (170)
• Relative emphasis: “But science is, basically, a way of knowing. . . ‘the art of knowing’”(169-170)
“Useless speculation, on the other hand is restrictive”( 170)
• Illustrative examples:
“If the growing corps of . . . to public understanding” (170)
“Consider three ideas . . . the extinction of dinosaurs” (170)
“the best scientific hypothesis . . . and even far distances, subject”( 170)
• Elaborate Sentences: “My greatest unhappiness . . . and stunning statements” (169)
“I want to show why . . . most useful.” (170)
“The speculation may well be . . . can make nothing of it” (170)
Hun Kim
Professor Sabir
English 1A 10-10:50
11 November 2013
Chapter 9 and 10 Exercises
Chapter 9
1. (Colloquial) Formal and informal mixings can help you out in many cases. Many people use this method in humanities than the sciences category. For example, Eric Shlosser uses this on his book about fast foods. (pg 123)
(Formal): The mixture of formal and informal mixings can be found in many writings, but is usually found in the humanities rather than the sciences, but more frequently found in journalism. Eric Schlosser uses this combination in his book regarding fast foods in the United States. (pg 123)
2. In my essay about Rosa Parks, I have found that I try to write very formally, and I rarely ever use the 2nd or 1st person dialect. I also refrain from using slang or grammatically incorrect statements when talking or describing someone or something in my essay.
Chapter 10
1. In the “Don’t Blame the Eater” by David Zinczeko, Zinczeko uses metacommentary by describing the opposite counterpoint in the first paragraph and argues it later on in the essay. Zinczeko is not concerned with the consumer being at fault of being overweight, rather than with the society forcing people to buy unhealthy foods.
2. In making a case for the medical use of marijuana, I am not saying that Marijuana is a horrible substance, but dangerous if used improperly or excessively.
But my argument will do more than prove that one particular industrial chemical has certain toxic properties. In this article, I will also explore on how these toxic properties affect human growth patterns.
My point about the national obsessions with sports reinforces the belief held by many cultural anthropologists that humans are very involved with competitions.
I believe, therefore, that the war is completely unjustified. But let me back up and explain how I arrived at this conclusion: The war is hurting the disadvantaged socio-economic peoples of the country while benefiting the wealthy war mongers disguising themselves as patriots. In this way, I came to believe that this war is a big mistake.
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