Change Essay Cyber-Post
Please include your outline and initial planning sheet.
By Wednesday, Sept. 3, respond to a student essay. Sign your name with your comment and tell us who you are responding to. Please post by Friday, August 29, 11:30 p.m.
We have been writing about change for a week now. Your first essay takes its theme from this topic. Explore your life. Has anything changed recently which has caused you to behave or shift your perspective in a significant way? What happened and what was your response?
This essay can be cause and effect; problem solution, even classification, where you name the steps you have had to take to get where you want to go. It can also be a combination of strategies.
You have to have a point though, a thesis, that is clearly stated. This afternoon students spoke of TV addiction, others saw college or the intellectual vigor of college, a way to improve their overall quality of life. Other students, many students, looked at the difference between high school and college, being a child and now taking on the responsibilities of an adult.
One student wanted to write about Obama as presidential candidate and what that means to her as a young African American woman. These are narrative essays. Those goals you listed in the syllabus could be directly tied to the change in your life. What do you have to change to accomplish the goals listed there? Where do you see yourself in one year...five years...twenty years? How will you get there?
Does anything need to change now for that to happen? What are you doing now to ensure you get there?
The essay should be minimally 500 words, two pages and include: an introduction, a body and a conclusion, with a clearly stated thesis. Make certain each paragraph has a topic sentence and that the topic sentence relates back to the thesis. Use examples, facts, short anecdotes, dialogue, statistics, definitions, analogies, and/or consequences, to expand, illustrate, and elucidate, your point.
Put a title on the essay. Type it double-spaced, standard font, no italics. Read Diana Hacker: Planning to help you organize your thoughts and plan your essay. Bring your textbooks to class next week.
I have office hours Wednesday, 9:30-10:50 in L-236 (inside L-235).
Please include your outline and initial planning sheet.
By Wednesday, Sept. 3, respond to a student essay. Sign your name with your comment and tell us who you are responding to. Please post by Friday, August 29, 11:30 p.m.
We have been writing about change for a week now. Your first essay takes its theme from this topic. Explore your life. Has anything changed recently which has caused you to behave or shift your perspective in a significant way? What happened and what was your response?
This essay can be cause and effect; problem solution, even classification, where you name the steps you have had to take to get where you want to go. It can also be a combination of strategies.
You have to have a point though, a thesis, that is clearly stated. This afternoon students spoke of TV addiction, others saw college or the intellectual vigor of college, a way to improve their overall quality of life. Other students, many students, looked at the difference between high school and college, being a child and now taking on the responsibilities of an adult.
One student wanted to write about Obama as presidential candidate and what that means to her as a young African American woman. These are narrative essays. Those goals you listed in the syllabus could be directly tied to the change in your life. What do you have to change to accomplish the goals listed there? Where do you see yourself in one year...five years...twenty years? How will you get there?
Does anything need to change now for that to happen? What are you doing now to ensure you get there?
The essay should be minimally 500 words, two pages and include: an introduction, a body and a conclusion, with a clearly stated thesis. Make certain each paragraph has a topic sentence and that the topic sentence relates back to the thesis. Use examples, facts, short anecdotes, dialogue, statistics, definitions, analogies, and/or consequences, to expand, illustrate, and elucidate, your point.
Put a title on the essay. Type it double-spaced, standard font, no italics. Read Diana Hacker: Planning to help you organize your thoughts and plan your essay. Bring your textbooks to class next week.
I have office hours Wednesday, 9:30-10:50 in L-236 (inside L-235).
posted by Professor Wanda's Posse at 11:27 AM
24 Comments:
INITIAL PLANNING SHEET
1. What is the subject of your paper? The context of my paper discusses change, growth and evolution
2. Why do you want to write about this subject? I chose this subject because it is of sentiment and healing for me. I also hope that my words and story can be of an inspiration in the lives of others.
3. What audience will you write for? The audience I am targeting, while it consists of everyone, I especially would like for others who share a similar story or struggle to gain something from it
4. What question do you want your research paper to answer? Rather than a question, I am delivering a message. A personal statement
5. What is the main writing strategy you think you will use? My sole strategy for my paper is to share a concise and descriptive story that can be felt. I wish for my readers to feel the message I am conveying and share in my experience.
OUTLINE - Changes
Intro/topic sentence: Anxiety is what has held me captive for the past twenty-one and a half years.
• My childhood
• Coping mechanisms
• Thesis
Body: It wasn't until I reached twenty-three that the startling discovery of my affliction was revealed
• The revelation of my affliction
• More of the struggles I endured
My decision to take a Communications Course
• The course experience
• The uncertainty of my speech
Conclusion: My chains of slavery and bondage have since been broken.
• The events that have transpired
• My current stance/thoughts/feelings
“I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings”
Anxiety is what has held me captive for the past twenty-one and a half years. Drug abuse violently disintegrated my family at age 5, and in that moment, everything had been stripped away from me. The confidence, the nurturing, and the love which was once instilled in me, ceased to exist. My childhood consisted of being pressured into becoming the epitome of perfection. I constantly carried labels of the “favorite child”, the “pretty girl”, “intelligent”, and “teachers pet” which landed me the black-sheep of my family and friends. With no outlet for retreat, I began to shy away as I poured my emotions into my writing, dance, and cries that remained unheard. An eloquent writer, for which was the mechanism most often used to express myself, my voice remained mute. The assumption was that I was weak, when the reality was that I was never built. Like the caged bird that sings, verbal communication didn't exist in my world, so I conformed. Lying dormant, I remained mute, awaiting my change to break free.
It wasn't until I reached twenty-three that the startling discovery of my affliction was revealed. 18 years it took for one individual to enlighten me to the fact that I suffered from “social anxiety”. Then it all began to make sense. I now understand the smiles which I wore so frequently were mere gestures of nervousness. The lack of eye contact I subconsciously displayed, a visual of my lack of confidence. The need to cover up my body, to hide behind a jacket or purse, and the sensation of always feeling cold were in fact visions of my insecurities. Avoiding conflict, saving face, and being constantly taken advantage of were signs of my passive aggression. Not having the ability to say no, or voice my concerns and feelings freely were signs of my underlying weakness. The overwhelming desire to give an abundance of love, while in the process being repeatedly cheated on and lied to was due to the fear of being alone. In this prolonged shell, relentlessly trying to break free, my silent cries were my source of comfort, and I wept. Gaining strength with each falling tear, I needed to be heard. Although my previously perceived “introvert” qualities were now given a confirmed title, I knew that this was still just the first step of my long journey.
My initial inclination for taking a communications course was to overcome my affliction with Anxiety. As we formed groups and collectively performed tasks and assignments, I gained a bit of confidence with each passing day. This class although only 3 weeks in length, has given me necessary tools required to build and sustain more meaningful inter-personal relationships. We were given an assignment to research one of the pre-selected topics and deliver a speech about it. Initially I wrestled with the topic of my speech and the direction I would take it in. On the first day of presentations, I came to class with my prepared speech in hand, but still sensed that something was missing. As I gave my full attention to each speaker, I sought the opportunity to build the confidence to give my speech, but I waited. As I listened to the messages, some boring, while others informative, something hit my spirit and compelled me to take my speech into a different direction. I couldn't quite gauge at the time that this was the beginning of my spiritual journey of healing, but I obliged, and decided to give my speech a few days later after making several revisions. With each passing day, I'd find myself implementing the information I gained from the course into situations I found myself in. The situation that was most detrimental took place the day I was to deliver my speech. My mother who lives in Chicago called me at 7am, yelling in my ear, and attacking my parenting skills (for which she never had). Holding a calm demeanor, I didn't get upset, just simply asked her to not yell at me, and give me the respect I deserved. Her unwillingness to comply took a toll on me, and I politely told her that if she could not give me the respect I deserved then I would have to end the call. The conversation ended with her hanging up in my face. Going on 3 hours of sleep and running late to class, my spirit had been broken as I attempted to hide behind the facade that everything was OK. I held it together, destined to not allow her actions to deter me from delivering my speech. My daughter in tow, I asked a friend if she wouldn't mind my daughter sitting in her class because I was uncertain if I could bring her to mine. As the speeches proceeded, I slowly began to lose it, finding myself unable to maintain my composure any longer. Thoughts of my past resurfaced, and I once more succumbed to fear. Fear of judgment, disappointment, rejection, and failure. As the time neared for me to present my speech, a desire of needing my daughter there overcame me. I went and got her, desperate to “make her proud of me”. She has always voiced to how much she admired me, how I was her hero, and how she wanted to follow in my footsteps. With those phrases in mind, I slowly found my way to the podium. I thought “I can do this”, just focus and remain calm. I wrote my name on the board, then turned to face the class and my daughter. Vulnerable, I looked around and opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Unable to maintain my composure, I broke down, and wept. After a few deep breaths, and some sips of water, I stood there again, naked. In a second attempt to exert my freedom of speech right, I managed to get an opening statement out, by briefly sharing the events that happened this morning during the interaction with my mother. I looked out at my daughter, once again overwhelmed with emotion, and lost it completely. Uncontrollably crying, my daughter exited her seat, and came over to console me. My assurance that I was confident, that I was strong, that I could do it, came in the form of my 6 year old daughter. After 26.5 years, my daughter was the one to embed in me what my own mother had once taken away. In that instant, I knew what I had to do. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled, regaining my composure, I faced the class. In full submission, and with my daughter by my side, I delivered my speech. This time the struggle was minor, and although I read from the paper, I made sure to connect with my audience as I presented the speech. Roughly 4 minutes was the amount of time it took for me to complete my speech. At the conclusion of my presentation, I felt empowered. Empowered that I had finally overcome my fears, empowered that my daughter instilled confidence in me for which I had always longed for, and empowered that I had the ability to move my class to tears. The transformation that had just transpired was the power of my inner child, finding her voice. I am ever so grateful to have shared this experience with the people present that day.
My chains of slavery and bondage have since been broken. I have arrived. Set free, like a caged bird spreading her wings for the world to see. Life is about taking risks, chances, and stepping outside of the box. My choosing to take a communications intersession course can easily be defined as one of the most liberating, life changing events that I have experienced. Through the experience, I have found my voice and now with confidence, I contend that I have been freed.
Blaine Webber
Intial Planning Sheet
-Topic: Change
-Audience: People studying or looking at change.
-Purpose: To explain a major change in my life and explain why change is important in life.
-What do you want your essay to anwser: I want to anwser why it is so important to change.
-Major writing strategies: I will explain personnal changes and also why it is important ot never stop changing.
Outline
-Thesis: It is very important to change and change will always happen as long as you live.
1. Major Point- Change in my schooling.
-Evidence: Slacked off in high school and need to work hard in college.
-Evidence: Need good grades to transfer and reach my goal so I need to change my study and work habits.
2. Major Point- Change is very important and necessary in life.
-Evidence: Everything around you is changing.
-Evidence: Very important to change and keep up with the change.
Blaine Webber
English 1A
Changes
Change, to be or cause to be different, is very important to a successful life. If you do not change with the times you will have a very hard timebeing successful in life. Things change so quickly in life and its not just one thing or another its everything, everything is in constant change. There are many things changing in my life as we speak. One big change I am going through right now is schooling, and my goal of reaching a higher education and getting a degree. It is very important to change and change will always happen as long as you live.
The biggest change going on in my life right now is the transformation from high school to college. College is a very different setting than high school and it will take a lot of change to be successful. In high school I was able to screw around and not try at all and still get pretty decent grades. I was able to get into some state schools without even trying one bit to do good. However, I did not want to go to any of the schools I was accepted to and now happily find myself here. The college life is much different from high school with the homework load to having different classes on different days. To be successful here I will have to try and put forth effort to be successful. I will have to change my procrastinating ways and really study and challenge myself to do good. Also, I will have to adapt to the freedom of college life and not slack off cause there is no real set path. If you don’t do the work you fail, you don’t get detention or Saturday school or anything like that. It is all on you to do the work and show intiative to be successful.
Change is everywhere, everything is always in constant change and won’t slow down for you to catch up. If you can’t keep up you will have a hard time being successful in this fast paced world. There is a quote I will share from a Lyfe Jennings song that I believe is very true. The song is Never Never Land and the quote goes “ My momma always said that there are always two things in life that are constant, change and change”. As a person you need to always be changing because everything around you is always changing.
Everything is always in constant change and you need to be as well to be successful in the world. A big change going on in my life is going to college and the way I need to challenge myself to reach my goals. Change is an essential part of life and you will fall behind if you do not change. Everything changes from the basics like time and weather, to the tecnology, fashion, and just the way people live.
* Initial plan:
. Topic: Change.
. Audience:
I'm writing for anybody who afraid of changes and need the courage to go on, and whoever is afraid to sacrifice him/herself to be successful.
. Purpose:
I will describe the problems that I have encountered in life and explain what makes my life change and how it changes.
. Question to answer:
What do I have to do in order to adapt the culture of America but maintain my home country's culture?
. Major writing strategies:
I plan to compare my life here in U.S.A to what my life look like in the past. I also plan to describe a little bit about what I have encountered and what leads to changes and explain how my life changed.
* Outline - "Change"
. Intro:
- Topic sentence: Quyen is a Vietnamese girl, who came from Vietnam two years ago.
- Description.
- Main ideas.
- Thesis: She has to learn more English, read more books, look around, and talk to people as much as possible to learn the way they talk and the American culture. However, she should keep practicing her culture so that she would not forget who she is and where she is from.
. Body paragraph #1:
- Topic sentence: Quyen's life in Vietnam is a totally different life comparing to her life in America.
- In Vietnam:
+ Haven't do anything - live like princess - except, studying, going to school, normal action, eating, sleeping, etc.
+ Thought that everybody is the same.
- In U.S.A:
+ Learn to do housework.
+ Independent life.
+ Think.
+ Accept the truth.
+ About people and life. (everybody is not the same, do whatever to get what they want, ...).
+ Miracle in life (examples)
- Concluding sentence: There are so much more that she has to learnl therefore, she has to open her mind to think in order to learn better.
* Body paragraph #2:
. Topic sentence: Her life changes means that she has to sacrifice in order to keep going.
. Before:
- Had lots of fun.
- Friends (no best friend.)
- Spoke Vietnamese.
- Never read books.
. Now:
- Need to leave everything behind - move on.
- Make new friends (found a best friend.)
- Learn English:
+ read books: dictionary, write down thought, ideas.
+ Listen to music, news.
. Concluding sentence: Sacrification is always needed when something or somone changes.
* Body paragraph #3:
. Topic sentence: Life everybody else, she has dreams; therefore, she has to try her best to achieve it.
. Dream + goals:
- Radiologist + pharmacist.
- Help family.
- Graduate with high GPA.
. Tasks:
- Complete all assignments.
- Prepare carefully for quizzes/tests/exams.
- Read more books.
- Limit the time for entertainment/relaxation = more time for studying.
- Research information online.
. Concluding sentence: In order to achieve her goal and makes her dreams come true. She has to tru her best to complete all the tasks and make a detail plan for herself.
* Ending:
. Topic sentence: Her life is changing everyday and she is learning everyday.
- Learn from people.
- Song "Miracle."
"Belief, hope, dream."
Quyen is a Vietnamese girl; she came from Vietnam two years ago. She has to overcome a lot of obstacles in order to adapt the new culture and learn English. She even has to sacrifice herself to move on. Her life has changed and everything seems so strange to her. Even though, she has known English before but she have to learn more English and read more books, look around and talk to people as much as possible to learn the way they talk and the American culture. However, she should keep practicing her culture so that she would not forget who she is and where she is from.
Quyen’s life in Vietnam is a totally different life comparing to her life in America. When she was in Vietnam, she had lived like a princess. She did not have to do or worry about anything except for going school, studying, sleeping, eating, etc. She did not even care about how people live because she has thought that everything and everybody is the same. But since she came to America, everything has changed. She has learned to do housework, which she has never done before. She has learned to live an independent life and to be responsible for her life. She has learned to accept the truth even though sometimes she does not want to. She has learned to think about people, and life. She knows that not everybody is the same; they can hurt anybody without a reason. They could do whatever just to get what they want. However, she always believes that there is miracle in life. For instance, a lot of people have lived without parts of their body which is a very difficult thing to do. They have lived and had hope. They always try to live a better life to get rid of the pain they have suffered. Therefore, miracle has happened, they go on living and even make life better. They live happily and do a lot for the society. She has also learned that her future depends on her. In order to make miracle happen, she has to work hard. In America, she has a chance to choose what subjects and major that she wants to study for her future. There are so much more that she still has to learn; therefore, she has to open her mind to think in order to learn better.
Her life has changed means that she has to sacrifice to keep going. Before she came to America, she has a lot of fun with her friends but she had never had a true best friend. She could easily communicate by her own language and she had never read books. When she came to America, she has to leave everything behind to move on. She makes new friends and she has found a true best friend who really understands her. Even though she had learned English before she came to America, she still has to learn more English. Importantly, she has learned to read books. Every time she reads a book, if she finds a word that she does not understand, she uses the dictionary to find out what the word means. She has tried to use English – English dictionary instead of English – Vietnamese dictionary. She has learned to write down her thoughts and ideas in order to understand the books better. She listens to English songs, and news to improve her listening skill. She has spent more time on studying than entertainment. However, sometimes, her friends think she is a book worm. But she does not care about that because she has to try her best to improve her life. She always needs to sacrifice when something changes and even when she changes.
Like everybody else, she has dream; therefore, I have to try her best to achieve it. She has dream to become a radiology and pharmacist and to be able to help her family so that they could have a better life. Her goal is to graduate from college with a high GPA. In order to do that, she has to do her best. She has to complete all assignments, prepare carefully for quizzes, tests or examinations. She still needs to read more books to get more information and learn the way the authors write their story. Also, she wants to learn to think by reading. She has limited her time for entertainment or relaxation to spend more time on studying. She always wishes that she could have more time to read books and learn more. She also has to do a lot of research on the internet. In order to achieve her goal and make her dreams come true. She has to try her best to complete the tasks and make a detail plan for herself.
Her life is changing everyday and she is learning everyday. She ahs to learn not only from the books, teachers, but also from her friends, people around her and even herself. She has to learn from her experience and try her best in order to live better and achieve her goal. She believes that if she has belief, confidence, and hope, she could do whatever she wants. There is a song named “Miracle”, performed by Mariah Carey that she really likes because it is about hope, especial two lines: “There can be miracle if you believe. Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.” Hope is frail, but if she keeps hoping, and trying, she would not disappoint herself and other people who are counting on her.
Curtis
1. What is the subject of your paper? Leaving high and entering college
2. Why do you want to write about the subject? It is a very big change in my life
3. What is your Audience? Anyone who has also gone through similar changes
4. What question do you want to answer? Am I capable of making such a huge
Transition
5. What writing strategies will you use? Compare/Contrast, Problem/Solution
Outline
Thesis: When leaving High School and entering College there comes a lot of changes, and even though I am worried about how I will to them, I believe I will be successful and graduate college.
Major Point 1: As soon as you attend college all of the responsibility is squarely on your shoulders
1. all of the homework and studying must be done by you only no longer are your parents involved directly with your schooling
2. you must keep in good contact with your teachers because most of them will not reach out to you
Major Point 2: Career
1. a lot of people attend college to focus on what they want to do for there career, I have no idea of what I want to do as far as my career goes
2. I need to find my greatest attributes so I can properly find what I will be most successful at for my career
Changes
Parties and having fun, that’s how College is portrayed these days through Movies and TV shows and many other media outlets. But then you get there and you realize that College in the movies is more like high school where you really don’t have any worries, but in actuality college is all work all the time, you have very little time for you self in college. Coming straight from high school it was a very big shock to my system. When leaving high school and entering college there comes a lot of changes, and even though I am worried about how I will adapt to these changes, I believe I will be successful and graduate college.
During high school you have a lot of support from your parents as well as your teachers, but in college all of the responsibility is on you, no one will help you unless you help yourself. You can affectively take your parents out of the equation, there is no more parent teacher conferences or phones home because teachers expect you to act like an adult and it is up to you to ask for help if you need it. I have never had this amount of responsibility thrust upon me, and to be honest it scares me a little. In high school a teacher would approach you if your grade is starting is starting to slip, not in college it is up to you to find out your grade and make an appointment with the teacher to talk. It also takes a lot of discipline to stay on task through out college, and discipline is something I don’t have in spades, so not is college only about educating in school also teaches you a lot about life skills, for many this is there first stop in there adult life and many are overwhelmed by college, and I am trying not to fall in that category.
Many people attend college to focus on what they want to do for a career, I personally have no idea what I want major let alone know what I want to for a career. I have to start thinking about what I want to do but I don’t know where to start. I have never thought about this so I need to change my frame of mind and start focusing on that subject. You need to find what skills you are really good at first before you can make such a decision but in high school I never really had to think about what skills I am good, I just did what I was given. But I don’t know how to narrow down my attributes to fit a specific area, it will be quite difficult. I have to almost change the way I think which I don’t know it will take me to perfect it.
While college has some fun times, there is definitely a lot more stressful times if you ask me. If you want to have fun in college you need manage your time very wisely and decide what is more important to you partying or graduating, I have made my decision, now the only thing to do is to execute my plan which is easier said the done. But I believe I am capable and fully prepared handle the changes that college throws at me, but every time I step on campus and look around I always find myself say “ were not in high school anymore”.
Brittaney Bennette
August 28,2008
CHANGES
My essay will be about how I feel about the change from high school to college. Some adults may not feel that there is much of difference but there is. It’s not like coming from middle school in to high school its way much more than that. From the song “change” by tupac, the narrator defines change in different ways yet struggles to change himself.
In high school the teachers basically give you different guidelines and or what to do to become successful in the real world. My teachers were always holding my hand throughout every process. I was never alone on any decision making they were always there to back me up and help me. Everything was very much handed to me on a silver plate. In college you’re basically on your own. Everything is basically on you. Its time for us to think for ourselves to better our education and progress in the world.
The high school I attended was a college preparatory high school. So it was there job to help us get ready for this dramatic change in our life. But we were also still children so they were suppose to help us with everything to it was still high school and not yet college. Our classes were college settings the way we sat and the things we did throughout the school year were college activities. Such as our school schedules were block schedules so we didn’t have the same classes’ everyday. Our classes were very long we were in class for an hour and thirty-three minutes. We would have a lot of lectures and do a lot of note taking and we were always reading different novels and doing research papers.
High school is like one large fashion show! Most kids wanted to cop the new Jordan’s and or the new air forces. They wanted to get the new designer clothes and all of that. And if you didn’t come to school with the hottest new trend on you were most likely made fun of or seen as an outcast. I must admit I was one of those kids who got the new Jordan’s every week or the hottest air forces. I was always the one to come to school with the matching designer clothes and the new “js”. But the past week that I have been in college I have seen that all of that doesn’t matter. It isn’t a fashion show there isn’t no reputation to up keep here. No one cares its all about higher learning and handling your business. I must say I am VERY pleased with that change. I was so tired with trying to uphold an image when all I wanted to do was learn but I was so afraid about not being an out cast.
In order to further my education I must be willing to change my whole attitude. I must learn that I am NOT in high school any more and it’s not coming back. I am an adult now and its time to think for myself and make decisions that I know will help me in the long run. But I know that if I need help with anything I am never too old to ask for help or ask questions. I must be able to change me for the better in order to expect change for the better.
Outline:
Thesis: from the song “change” by tupac, the narrator defines change in different ways yet struggles to change himself.
Major point: high school has different guidelines
Evidence: teacher holding your hand through every step.
Evidence: tell you what to do handed everything on a plate
Major point: high school gets you ready for College
Evidence: college like class setting
Evidence: college like lectures/college length
Major point: high school is basically like a fashion show
Evidence: everyone is always trying to get the new shoes and new designer clothes
Evidence: in college no one cares about that it’s a come as is
Concluding sentence: tell what I need to do to better myself [change attitude]
Initial planning
1. What is the subject of your paper?
My paper will talk about change mainly the change I have experienced coming from high school in to college
2. Is your purpose primarily to inform, explain, explore, evaluate, describe a problem and propose a solution, or argue a point?
My purpose is to basically inform and explain how hard the transition is from high school to college some might think its easy but for me its hard.
3. What audience will you write for?
My audience will mainly be for new peers, parents, and new teachers so they can know and understand that it’s hard
4. What questions do you want your research paper to answer?
How do you feel about being in a different setting?
How does it feel to leave high school and go straight in to college?
5. What is the main writing strategy you will use?
I am planning to use the compare and contrast strategy so you can see the difference
Initial Planning
1.Topic-Changes
2.Audience-I am writing for those who are afraid to express their feelings to others.
3.Purpose-I will inform and describe the problem.
4.What question do you want to answer-Is it better to hold everything in or to tell people?
5.Writing strategies-I plan to describe what I went through from keeping everything to myself, what made it worse, and what I changed to make myself feel better.
Outline
Thesis-In life, everyone has to go through hard times and some may suffer through their problems by themselves because they can be too afraid to share what they are feeling.
First major point-Keeping everything that one is feeling to themselves is unhealthy.
Evidence 1- 2pac “changes” (line # 2-3), depression
Evidence 2- school life
Second Major Point-Making a change to make life better
Evidence 1-Need to change in order to love myself and life
Evidence 2-Realize life is great, in order to love life I needed to be happy
Concluding sentence-There is so much that I need to do in my life and I can not live life sad everyday thinking there is nobody who cares about me, when I know in my heart there really is.
Changes
Throughout my eighteen years of life, I have always been the shy and quiet girl in school and everywhere else I go. In the year 2000, I have moved up to Alameda from San Diego because of my father’s career and I basically had to start over a new life in a different city. Since I was extremely shy, it was very hard for me to make new friends. When I was in Middle School, I was going through a lot of struggles with no one by my side to talk to since my parents were always at work and my only sister was busy doing homework or going out with her friends. I was also very insecure of how I looked because I gained a lot of weight over the summer of 7th grade and my family would always tell me that I was fat, which made me feel even worse about myself. I would always wear clothes that cover up every part of my body and even though it was hot, I would not bother taking off my sweater/jacket. I thought I had no choice but to keep everything to myself. In life, everyone has to go through struggles and some may suffer through their problems by themselves because they might be too scared to share their feelings.
Everyone has their own problems to deal with some may not even bother to deal with their problems because they just keep everything in. There was a point where I actually did not want to live because I felt that nobody cared about me. “I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself is life worth living…” (line 2-3) In 2Pac’s song , “Changes”, his lyrics relates to how I felt everyday. At school, I would always wear a smile on my face so people do not notice anything. My classmates always thought I was the “smart one” just because I was quiet in class and looked like I was paying attention to everything but I was actually just dazing off. My parents were never really strict about me getting straight A’s, so I was not really that encouraged to do well in school. I always told myself that receiving a GPA of 3.0 was good enough but at times I would get really lazy and just give up. Keeping everything in to oneself is very unhealthy because like me, it can actually result to depression.
When I hit high school, I had a total different feeling from when I was in Middle school because I knew in few years, I am going to have to deal with SAT’s, college applications, and basically even more stress. The fact that I held everything in for about 16 years, there was one night where I just busted out crying for almost an hour. My whole family did not know what to do and had no idea why I was crying that they thought I had issues and said they might get me a therapist. After that night, I realized I felt a lot better because everything I kept holding onto myself was just building inside me and I finally let everything go. I knew that I couldn’t keep everything inside and that I should tell anyone, friends, family about my problems so I do not have to go through so much pain all by myself. I knew I had to change myself and love myself so I can have fun with my life and live life to the fullest. I was only about 15 years old and it was not the age where I should be stressed out and thinking life was tough, I knew there was a lot more to do in life and that I need to change for myself to succeed in life later on.
Marissa Marino
August 28, 08
Changes
This essay is to show recent changes in people’s lives, and things they may have had to do in order to be here today. My essay is to let people know about my recent change which was moving from the Los Angeles Area to Oakland. I will explain my schooling situation, my parent’s goals for me and my work, my aunt my inspiration and finally making the change for the better. In order to accomplish goals that we may set for ourselves we sometimes have to make changes.
Growing up I’ve always been ok with school and never had a problem focusing on anything I put my mind to, but for some reason when I got to high school I was distracted with sports, friends and everything else a high school girl gets distracted with, and I couldn’t focus and really didn’t care. Around this time my parents stepped in and tried doing everything to make me focus and realize that was the beginning of my life. I really didn’t understand what they were saying so I really didn’t want to pay attention. My parents would say how they wanted me to go to college finish school and get a good career, since both of my parents never finish college that’s what they wanted for their kids. When I was a junior I started working odd jobs back and forth to be able to put gas in my car, but I was focused on school so my parents were ok with me working. I graduated with a 3.0 GPA so my parents were proud. I decided with that I would take the summer off and just work and save money.
That summer I got hired at In N Out which is a really good job especially for a young person out of high school. So the first semester came around for college and I put it off so I didn’t go and kept putting it off until my parents said for me to go to school or pay rent to live at home. At that time my aunt was saying how she wanted to go back to school and how she got into a program in San Francisco and how she’s moving up in August. I first looked at her and said she was crazy she’s been in school for 25 years and she still isn’t done but she has a goal for herself. After talking to her for a bit I sat and realized that me working full time at In N Out was not my goal in life. Right then and there I started looking at different school and knowing that I had to start at a J.C I realized that everything that was going on in my life I wouldn’t be able to focus on school over there, so I started looking at school in Northern California and found the perfect school that has exactly what I want to do in life. At San Francisco State they have a program that emphasizes on teaching Family and Consumer Sciences which is what I want to do. So right than I sat my parents down talked to them about school mapped out a plan for school and what I would be doing and where I would be working and they let me.
Thankfully me and my aunt get along so she was excited that I would be able to go with her. My job offers transfers so I got a transfer to work at an In N Out over here and I picked my school and started the day after I got settled into my apartment. With being over here I’m enrolled as a full time student going 5 days of the week and am working part time at my job which in my mom’s words “that’s the way its suppose to be”. I now have a routine with work and school and I feel that I’m taking baby steps to accomplish my goal and make a change for the better. Although I know it’s still early in the semester I can at least say I am back in school.
Everything that was mentioned was how I got to where I am now. Making the change for the better sometimes cost but it’s for the better of my own well being and I think now I’m on the right path to success in my life. I now know what my parents were talking about and wish I would’ve listened to them back in high school. But I thank my aunt for making me realize that an education helps with every aspect in life, and that education last forever.
Initial Planning Sheet
1. What is the Subject of your paper?
Changes in my life
2. Is your purpose primarily to inform, explain, explore, evaluate, describe a problem and purpose a solution, argue a point?
My paper will inform and explain the solution I made for myself.
3. What audience will you write for?
My audience is anyone that has made a move to change your life for the better.
4. What question do you want your research paper to answer?
The question that will be answered is why I moved to Northern California from Southern California to come to school.
5. What is the main writing strategy you think you will use?
I plan to describe why I chose to come to Northern California and to describe my goals for being out here away from home.
Outline
Thesis: In order to accomplish goals that we may set for ourselves we sometimes have to make changes.
A. Growing Up
Schooling
My parent’s goals for their kids
B. Working
Summer job at In N Out getting in the way
C. Mapping out a plan
Talking with my aunt
Talking to my parents
Finding schools to attend
D. Making the change
Attending school
Working
Keeping on track and being focused
Closing Statement
San Saechao.
Planning sheet:
1. what is the subject of your paper? the subject about me paper describe what changes took place in my life.
2. why do you want to write about this subject? to show people that we can walk away from unnecessary stuff.
3. what audience will you write for? the audience that i write for are the audience that are lost, and going towards the wrong direction in life.
4. what question do you want your research paper to answer? i want to answer the question where people asked " i can't make iin life".
5. what is the main writing strategy you thinl you will use? i will use my past life story to help people that are lost in life.
Eng. 201b
Outline
THESIS: In my life time there were many changes. In high school I was facing a lot obstacle
that helps turn my life around. Obstacle like Drugs, Alcohol, gangs and violence were all the
things that gets in not just my way, but in many of the students way. Not all people were bad
though, as time passes by I make new friend and new friend leads me to a new direction.
Major point: During high school years, I was trapped with obstacles.
Evidence: Drugs and Alcohol
Evidence: Gangs and violence
Major point: As time passes by, I made new friend and new friend leads to a new direction.
Evidence: new friends, and new environment.
Conclusion: Doing my high school years, I was facing obstacles. In the end, I met new people
and new friend leads to a new direction. A lot of changes had happen since I turned to new
friends. I stopped going out with my old friends, stop doing or using drugs and alcohols. My
life was turned around when I was hanging out with my friend which that know how to
Break-dance. I became a one myself at that time. If I wouldn’t had met these people I
wouldn’t had been here at Peralta School. I probably end up in adult school or somewhere.
So, I’m glad to choose the path I chose during the hard time.
San Saechao
English 201b
8/28/08
“The Changes of My Life”
Through out my high school years, there are many changes in my life. But, to achieve
these changes I had to face a lot of obstacles. Obstacles like Drugs, Alcohol, Gangs, and the
violence that was taking place. These were things that would get in not just mines, but other
people ways too. Not all people were bad influences, I was lucky enough to make new friends.
New friend leads to new direction, as time passes by. They had showed me a way out of drugs,
alcohol, gangs and violence. A whole new environment that I hadn’t experience yet, and its
rather interesting.
During my high school I was trapped with many obstacles. The obstacles were drugs,
alcohol, gangs and violence. These were the main issues that we face every day in Oakland
school. Every morning when I go to school, there will be people standing in the school corner
smoking or drinking instead of being in school. And in the afternoon, fights would break out,
out of nowhere. For who knows what the reason was, maybe for fun? If not every day, every
other days. I was in the midst of this, it was scary didn’t know what to do. And you had people
trying to lure you into doing things that you don’t want to do like I mention drugs, and alcohols.
Every day you have to be cautious, because you never know who they after next. I was trapped,
didn’t want to go out the gate because I was afraid that they might get me. Not that I was all
alone, I had my brother and cousins, but the environment we’re in was a bad one.
As time passes by, I made new friends; new friend leads to a new direction. So, I was
introduced to break-dance by one of my friend. I was amazed by what I saw, the spinning,
freezing with one hand, and the type of dance they perform. It was like no other dance I’ve
seen before. So I was in the tenth grade when I started break-dancing. This was a changing
event for me, because I can forget about outside world a little bit, and takes me out of the
situation where I don’t want to be. Like being in a fight, or being in the shoes where people
always thinking about drinking, or smoking, and doing negative things. It felt like my whole life
was shifted towards another direction all of a sudden. It kept me in school because I was a
cutter back than when I was in middle coming to high school. It also kept me out of drugs and
alcohols. Furthermore, Break-dance was fun, not just fun, but it’s a great source of exercising.
You can work on your arms, your legs, stomach, etc. it’s like an all in one workout machine. So,
Break-dance was a thing to do for me; it’s one of my hobby. I continued to break-dance up until
my senior. After graduation, break-dancing was slowly fading and so were my friend. Everybody
were going their own way. Still, I’m glad to have found Break-dance, it really changes my way of
living, and my attitude towards school.
During my teen age, I was facing a lot of obstacles. Obstacles like drugs, alcohol, gangs,
and violence that took place. These were the issues that we teens had to go through in grade
school. Facing troubles every day, but in the end there’s always a way out of this kind of issues.
Like making new friend, which have different hobby instead of using illegal substance? Also,
friends that can lead you into a new environment that can change the way live. I’m glad to have
those friends that I met. And this is how I get to where I am.
Kylah Quintal
Initial Planning Sheet
Topic: A recent change in my life: the decision to change college paths.
Why I’m writing about this: I wouldn’t be in this class, if it weren’t for my change.
Purpose: Just to tell my story.
Question I want to answer: Why has this change affected my life?
Major writing strategies: A lot of evidence as to why this change has impacted my life so much.
Outline
Thesis:
Change is constant and it never ceases to exist.
Main Point: My job
Main Point: My education
Conclusion: Although changing my college path proved questionable, I wouldn’t have changed my decision.
Changes
Change is constant and it never ceases to exist. Change can happen when you least expect it or can be highly anticipated to bring about a new beginning, and an end to something old.
Other kids who are either going back school or for the first time, have left Hollister. Seeing that I am staying, I have been able to take their hours. Hours I need in order to save up enough money to keep maintenance on a car. Another couple pluses for staying out here are: the longer I remain at Hollister, the more likely I am to receive a pay raise-that is including my diligent work ethic; and it allows me to strengthen the bonds I have with my fellow co-workers.
To me there is no comparison when it comes to the quality of education I am receiving here at College of Alameda, than what I would be receiving at Northridge. AA state education in my opinion is much more enriching than an education at a community college. The only reason that I am here at College of Alameda, is to knock out three classes before heading off to Northridge in the spring. I am a little disappointed that I’m at a community college, but then again it’s only for a semester.
Although changing my college path has proved questionable, I wouldn’t change my decision. It has allowed me to prioritize my life, and given me a sense of independence. My decision has also helped to prepare me in the mean time for my journey ahead-California State University Northridge.
Salvatore Castellano
08/29/08 4pm
Initial Planning
1. What is the subject of you paper? Changes.
2. Purpose? To inform and explore change happens without knowing.
3. What audience will you write for? Anyone who understands that the detail changes everything.
4. What questions do you want your research paper to answer? Is a small change a small change?
5. What is the main writing strategy you think you will use? Reason.
Outline
Thesis : In America 80% of single parents are black compared to 30% white (from Wikipedia), not stating how many children each parent has. Making it difficult to pay attention to all of there children needs.
-Major Point 1: As a kid.
1.Growing up is hard enough, its even harder not having a positive role model, especially for a boy becoming a man?
2.There isn’t anybody to discipline him/her telling them what’s right from wrong, to keep out of trouble,
-Major Point 2 -As an adult.
1. Abandonment issues, self doubt.
2. Might have a problem with relationships.
Changes
Growing up I've realized I've changed dramatically, as a child I was always afraid of the unknown, never speaking out, because there was no one to speak too , not asking for anything because it didn't seem to be much of an importance. Now instead of being afraid I'm angry, and I would raise my voice more then I should, just to get my point across. I wonder, would I still be the person I am today, if my father was around, how much of me would have been changed, would I have been hole inside or pushed to the edge.
In High School, were always trying to keep up with the latest trend, from shoes to hat's, we all wanted to feel like we belonged, to some sort of group, thinking the more friends you have the better. Not having a care in the world about anything, just your social life, how you'd have to say or do what it was to be accepted this would happen for 4yrs, for some of us this is what becomes of you for others it's what you become. Most of us have to mature before were even born, the things I imaged as I was a kid, but with a big family it was ignored. Just pressured into becoming a Doctor or Lawyer, when my passion was music and teaching, maybe if we stayed in New York, things would have been different.
It's not as bad as it's sounds, you cant miss what you never had, but there are those who crave for attention, not having both parents is a change, of who your supposed to be.
You don't always see it or even realize it but change happens all the time, slowly you drift away from friends, focus more on your goals in life, trying to change. Change is who we are, it's the better part, for most of the time, through out your life your bound to make dramatic changes, then you just see it as life.
the changes made in afghan hip hop music.
intial plannig sheet:
Khalid arghandiwal
august 29,2008
1. what is the subject of your paper?
the changes made in afghani hip hop music
2. is your purpose primarily to inform, explain, explore, evaluate, describe a problem and propose a solution, or argue a point? my main purpose is explain the changes made in hip hop music.
3. what audience will you write for? i am writing mainly for the younger audience who will about hip hop music in afghanistan,
4. what qustion do you want your research paper to answer? is hop hip music right for everyone.
5. what is the main strategy you think you will use? i plan to describe that hip hop music is still popular in afghanistan.
Afghan hip hop music has been a popular type of music in afghanistan with
youngsters and the immigrant community. it inherits much of the style of traditional hip
hop. hiphop music is mostly sung in dari (persian) pashto, and in english. a popluar hip
hop artist is by the name of Dj besho his songs are basically sung in farsi, he is stationed in
kabul afghanistan some afghan rappers are based in europe and outside of afghanistan
. kids in afghanistan love to listen to this kind of music as they find very entertaining. the
upcooming artist are a group called the Da jokerz. when i was growing in afghanistan
there was no hip hop rappers around because of the politics and the war, as we were
listining to mostly pop music and slow songs. the changes that see in hip hop music today
is that lots of rappers are singing there songs about our nationalty and that's good for a
change for a country that has been in war. i like to listen to hip hop music myself although
i don't have a favorite artist i like the songs and the music. the goal of my topic was to get
the youngsters to listen to afghan hip hop music.
outline
Subject: the changes made in afghan hip hop music
Thesis: afghan hip hop music has been a popular type of music with the youngsters in afghanistan.
Major point: afghan hip hop music is still popular today in afghanistan.
Purpose: get afghan music popular back again today.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
-Glenn Williams-
Planning Sheet
1. Personal changes
2. Inform
3. small group
4. ...
5. Description
Essay
Ever since I graduated from High School I, as a person, haven’t changed much. Instead of me changing, my environment around me, and the people in my life have made changes; all of which have affected me. People have left, some have drastically changed their lives, and others have remained exactly the same. I’d never thought things would change too much in my life, but over the past years since I’ve become an ‘adult’ both my attitude and look on life has been altered. Throughout this past year nothing much has felt different, yet so much has been changed.
Myself and my friends have always been a really tight, close group. We were no more than 10 strong at any one time. Over this past year a lot of my friends have left that tight group. Probably my best friend went to join the National Guard right around the time I’d graduated High School. When he’d gotten back from basic training he’d moved back to Oakland , and things were ‘normal’ again for a short time. He had to go up to Santa Rosa for some other 3-week long training program, but he never came back. I’d just recently learned that he is being shipped out to the Middle East sometime in November. The lack of his presence has both given me a feeling of abandonment and given me a severe lack of motivation.
Continuing my education through the Peralta school District has had me thinking about my future. I’ve not known what I’ve wanted to do for a living since forever; I’ve never really contemplated the topic for long amounts of time, or discussed it with anyone in any depth. I’ve always been into technology, specifically computers and video games. I’ve noticed that when I have a subject that I’m interested in, I can usually write about it for a long while. About a year ago I joined a videogame website, mainly to post in the forums to discuss video games with other ‘hardcore’ gamers throughout the world. This website also let you write your own game reviews. I wrote some reviews and enjoyed it, if I’d played a game I truly enjoyed I’d get really into it. Being a ‘hardcore’ gamer I’ve always been subscribed to one game magazine or another. I noticed that a large portion of the magazines are reviews, so that’s something I’ve been interested in and is a reason I’ve been constantly taking English courses through my enrollment in Peralta.
While I may have been going to school, I still haven’t been employed. I’ve just turned 19 and I need to start supporting myself. A lot of places I’ve applied to haven’t been interesting in hiring me. I’ve been filling out applications and sending them out like SPAM e-mail. Just recently I’ve found a small computer company that is hiring. I’ve talked to the owner and have another interview on Friday. I’m not sure if I’m going to get the position considering I’m under qualified, but the owner seems to like me and has told me he is willing to train me if I’m willing to be trained for little to no pay. Even though that is interesting I’ve been looking into an internship at a game magazine. The magazine’s offices are located right across the Bay Bridge in foggy San Francisco . I’m currently subscribed to the magazine and they are probably one of the last game magazines that try to bring an honest opinion to the table. Most of the game media out there is extremely biased and some say that the major publishers and manufacturers, such as Microsoft and Sony, pay off these media sources in order to sell their product. This is a big reason why want to write for this magazine.
I don’t really feel like much has changed in my life recently but looking back now I guess a lot more has changed than I can restate in this paper. So much has changed but almost everything feels exactly the same. I wish I could shake this stagnant feeling, get my life flowing already, because I’m getting sick of this little niche I’ve been stuck in for far too long. It’s like an abandoned mine, at one point it was rich with the good stuff, but now little or nothing is left.
-Glenn Williams-
English 1A
Ms.Sabir
August 30, 2008
INITIAL PLANNING SHEET:
1. Change is for the better in you.
2. I will identify a few problems of my own and propose a solution.
3. I am writing for a broad audience, who are going through similar problems like myself, and might not have any idea of a solution.
4. Can change make you a better person? Is changing easy?
5. The main writing strategy is problem/solution and evaluation.
OUTLINE:
If you decided to ignore bad habits that you have, then those bad habits will eventually cost you a lot of unnecessary headaches
and worries in your life, that can consist of you to being constantley angry and bitter.
TITLE: CHANGE IS VERY IMPORTANT
Lately, I've learned to stop depending on others. When I let people in my life and count on them for the smallest things, they always seem to let me down. For example, I recentley started school on the 20th of August and my daughter doesn't start intil 3rd of September. Which means she is out for school for two weeks, and I need a baby sitter. Of course I was inspecting her father or her grandmother to watch her, since they both know how important school is for me. I explian the situation to both of them in advance so I could attend school with know worries, but somehow they turn the tables like usually and made me seem selfish.
My family act like their supportive of me going back to school, intil it consist of them playing a part in actually supporting me. They never say, but I can tell they think it's to late for me to be going back school.
With all the drama in my life, I push forward like it's a life style I can't shake. It use to hurt me really bad, but after a while you begin to get use of people trying to make changing hard for you, especially when they don't have the courage to do the same.
Every worry, every struggle, and all the pain has taught me to depend on know one but myself. Instead of letting my Mother or my daughter father have control over my frustration, I would find away as if they never existed. I found a solution in my self that consist of me and only me. I took my daughter to school with me, and set her outside of the classroom with a coloring book and crayons. I explain to her how important school is for the both of us, and if she can be a big girl and have some patients for me, it could really benefit the both of us in the long run. She responded, " ok mom".
Initial Planning Sheet
What is the subject of your paper? Changes (Personal within Myself)
Is your purpose primarily to inform, explain, explore, evaluate, describe a problem and propose a solution, or argue a point? I will explain what happen and how it lead me up to making the decision to go back to school and finishing it this time.
What audience will you write for? I will write for whoever has been through something very traumatic in there live or has known of someone that has gone through something very traumatic in there life. I want to show them that i am a living testimony that there is hope. Don't give up fight a good fight!!
What question do you want for your research paper to answer? I want for my paper to answer the question on how such a good person can be dealt such a bad hand and suppose to keep the faith?
What is the main writing strategy you think yo will use? Mainly description.
Outline:
1. Health- Turn for the worst
2. Family- Oldest daughter had to become mother. Kids started lashing out in all the wrong ways.
3. Employment- Lost of employment made me really want to settle down and finish my education.
4. Education- How I made the decision to go back to school and finally take my education seriously.
Changes (Personal within Myself)
Changes come from within a person when something tragic happens to them, but sometimes the motivation starts from without.
My life dramatically changed on Sept. 26, 2002 when I was diagnosed with Leukemia. I hadn’t been feeling good for quite some time. I am not one of those persons that just runs to the doctor for every little problem. The symptoms that I had were just getting worst and worst and making it difficult for me to function because I was very weak. I was losing a lot of blood on a daily basis. I thought that it was just an abnormal period. But I knew that something wasn’t right when I had to start wearing two pads and a super tampon.
I rushed into my managers’ office and asked her to call the ambulance and to call my mother because I felt that something just wasn’t right with me. She had no clue as to which one to call first. I suggested my mother of course. So when the ambulance finally arrived I was in horrific pain in my lower abdomen. I was balled up into a fetal position all the way to Summit Hospital. There is when I got the news that I have Leukemia. My first reaction was to get a second opinion. That’s when a black lady doctor came in and said that it is true that I have Leukemia. All I thought was Oh My God I Have Cancer (The Big C).
As of that day forward my life went through a drastic change. Of course I asked GOD if he saw me through this then I would live each day out to the fullest and stop putting off things that I wanted to accomplish in my life before I headed on home to Him.
I had a lot of time to think of what and which direction I wanted to change as I sat in the hospital for 6 months. I had to start with myself and stop procrastinating about finishing school. I was working and going to school but as a single parent work came first to be able to put food on the table.
As I was going through my ordeal I also lost my job, because I hadn’t completed my 90 day probation and I also signed what was called an “At Will” employment contract. I was so excited about the job that I did not take the time to actually read what in detail that meant. That also was a big reason for returning to school so that I will be able to know the linguistic of business terminology.
I want my Masters Degree in Business so that if something like this was to happen again that I will know my options.
My family life had taken a turn for the worst too. They all were scared that they were going to lose their mother so the oldest daughter had to become the mother of the family. But at the time she was only 14 so she had no clue as to what to do because I have always been the one to do everything. She did the best she could, but you do have to realize that is a lot of responsibility on a 14 yr. old. She is a kid herself. She had to grow up really fast and take on the role of mother. All the kids started lashing out in all the wrong ways. Schools were calling my mother everyday telling them different stories each day. The kids were scared and that was there only way as to show it.
I pleaded with the doctor to let me be able to go home in between chemotherapy sessions because I did want all that strain to be on my daughter.
I had a roommate but she didn’t really feel secure enough in handling my kids by herself. So I really had to fight a good fight in order to be there for my family.
As I sat in the hospital I took a good look within myself and asked myself what is it that really matters to you Caprice because at the end of the day all you have is you and no one is going to take care of you like you. So when I lost my job that freed up a lot of time so I said forget it I am going back to school and I am going to put my best foot forward and see this all the way to the end. I have been trying to do this since 1988. It was hard at first because of all the medication that I was on had me really drowsy and weak. So I had to just take a little at a time. I was really determined to do this and not just sit in the house and feel sorry for myself.
I also had a lot of mental and physical changes that I went through that I choose not to share because it was a very emotional time for me. The physical change within itself was hard on me and my family. I don’t know if you know anyone that has had cancer and the physical changes that go on with them but it is very traumatic to look at oneself in the mirror and not feel really down about themselves. I know that one should be grateful that your life was spared and that you got a second chance at life but this whole ordeal has really changed me for the better.
In conclusion, the Leukemia that was inside of me as it was being removed it was my main motivation for taking a good look within myself and really changing my life and doing what was important for me to build up my character, and change my life for the better. You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.
Caprice Eddington
Introduction
Thesis: I feel that college will help me make better decisions in my everyday life.
The first major point that I will be stating is how changing my life will make a better me.
Instead of sitting at home watching T.V. I am at school.
Instead of getting up late in the morning and doing nothing with my day I have enrolled myself into school.
Instead of glancing at books I am reading books for classes that I am enrolled in.
My second major point is what changes need to be made.
Do I want to be at school bettering myself?
Stop being lazy and broaden my horizon which means get up and explore my mind.
I have come to realize that in order for me to feel good about myself daily I need a change. But people don’t know that they need to change or may not want to change but changing is making a better person, changing wants to broaden your horizon, and most of all gain all knowledge you can out of life.
Albert Dennie
8/29/2008 Eng201A 1- 2:50
College can help students make healthy decisions.
College can help make healthy decisions by broadening their mind to things unknown by a particular person. A way I think college can help is by getting students to open a book and not just read the fine print. College teaches us students to “annotate” and absorb what we are reading for a better understanding.
To me the first step was leaving the T.V. alone and enrolling in school which is what I did. I felt that my mind needed to be nourished with knowledge and an unsure feeling of knowledge is what got me up. Instead of getting up late in the morning and lying around till noon I figured I would make good use of my time and waste it intelligently. I enrolled in school and my mind is now focused and most of all I am learning new thing son a daily basis. I was used to picking up a book and reading to just be reading. Now I am taking every sentence and putting it in my own context. To make sure I have clear understanding.
In my case it is safe to say that college is helping me make better decisions about my life. My mind healthy and able to think, it is no longer cluttered with making decisions that will not benefit me. “There is no turning back success is starring at me and it is also knocking at my door”.
Derek Goldstone
English 1A
Changes: Society, 2pac & the Month of August
Adaptation, evolution, innovation, revolution, progression, transformation. All words which essentially mean to change. Everything is constantly going through some state of change. The trees shed their leaves in the autumn then burst with flowers in spring. A child is born and goes through various stages of maturity before it dies. The dinosaur was once the dominant species on the planet only to be replaced by humans in the 65 million years that followed their extinction. Likewise, when referring to society, 2pac’s message in “Changes” or this past month of August 2008 (in reference to myself), nothing is exempt from either negative or positive changes.
Since the beginning of human civilization, society has been changing to fit our environment, needs and values. Prior to the Civil War, it was considered acceptable for certain people in the United States (Southern white men) to own slaves. Today we would consider such practices to be immoral, unethical and furthermore a taboo. American society had changed from a nation tolerant of racial bigotry, discrimination and supremacy to one which “Held these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal…” which was written in our Declaration of Independence, drafted nearly one hundred years prior to the Emancipation Proclamation. The acceptance of equality amongst all Americans regardless of skin color can be considered a positive change for the betterment of society. Overall human society has gone through a vast series of advancements. From hunter-gatherers we became horticulturalists, cultivating crops on small farms which we had little control over. Horticulturalism led to pastoralism when we learned to domesticate & herd livestock. When society shifted to an agrarian or agricultural mindset and we had to maintain massive farms, we began to experience the greatest change. We had to establish permanent dwelling to better tend our crops. By no longer being nomadic, it allowed us to form cities, the backbone of civilization as we know it today in industrial/post-industrial society. Some may argue that the transformations we have gone through as human civilization have been for the better. We now live in the “Information Age” where data is readily available to anyone with a computer any time of day. We have medicines which have increased our life expectancies to near unthinkable heights. While yet others may argue that due to our advancements, technologically speaking, we have become more distant from one another and less competent in actual human interaction. When future generations look back at our civilization, they will be better equipped to notice the adaptations, transformations and overall changes that we underwent due to retrospect. As long as society exists it will never stop adapting, because when it does, we will stop evolving and that could spell the end of human civilization as we know it.
2pac’s song, “Changes” serves as a metaphor and reflection of the lack of advancement in economic, political, racial, and social equality he saw in the world prior to his death in 1996. He can be quoted in the beginning of the song as stating, “I see no changes. Wake in the morning and I ask myself, is life worth living? Should I blast myself?” He cannot believe that we as humans have made it this far and still allow certain injustices to occur on a daily basis. About mid-way through he suggests “We gotta make a change” by altering the way we eat, the way we live and the way we treat each other. He makes a very legitimate claim when he states; “The old way wasn’t working, so it’s on us to do what we gotta do to survive.” Mr. Shakur’s belief is that if we impede change by remaining stagnant, if we reject new cultures & ideas, if we decline to venture from the “old way” and refuse to learn to cooperate as well as coexist, we as a human race will be doomed to failure. 2pac felt change in this instance was negative because much needed changes had yet to come.
I have experienced a variety of changes within the last month that most people would definitely consider negative. Prior to August my life seemed to be in order and functioning very much to my liking. Without warning a series of events began to unfold which has inexplicably altered my life in a way that I am still struggling to fully comprehend. My mother underwent a very brutal surgery to remove a tumor on her brain. Whereas she used to be spunky, vibrant and youthful, she is now but a mere shell of the woman she was before her surgery. Later this same month, I attended the funeral of a close younger friend of mine. Shot dead at the age of 19 in Alameda of all places. A friend and I were arrested by Alameda Police and had our rights abused by the very individuals who are entrusted with the responsibility to protect and serve the people of the community. I have been in contact with the ACLU and am now waiting for my case to be heard. I nearly became a father and due to that, I lost someone who I cared very dearly for, my girlfriend. She was my universe, the yin to my yang, I felt like my purpose in life was to make hers better. I had never been so focused and motivated prior to being with her but due to both of our irresponsibility, we are no longer together. Worst of all I was abandoned by her at the onset of these problems beginning to unfold so I’ve had to cope without a companion, which has been a difficult transition in itself on top of the other hardships in my life. Although this past month has proven to be compoundly miserable, even traumatic, I refuse to let it consume me. I will turn the negative experiences of this month into a positive influence upon the rest of my life. The fuel upon which my drive to succeed will thrive on.
Nothing is exempt from either negative or positive change. The economy flounders and subsequently begins to flourish. Gas prices rise to all-time highs then drop to all-time lows. Society progresses only to find abruptly thereafter that much progress has still yet to be made. For every couple of steps forward we make, it becomes more evident that as a culture we are still twenty steps back. 2pac spoke of the lack of changes in his song, however “Although it seems heaven sent, we aint right to see a black president” seems to be an outdated philosophy and could be a possibility within this election year, if not my lifetime. In my own life I must become more accepting of the fact that I will experience many changes both negative and positive and that human existence is about balance, both give and take. Perhaps one of my favorite rap groups of all time, Outkast said it best; “Nothing is for certain, nothing lasts forever.” One minute you can be on top of the world, the next, down in the dumps loathing your own existence. Such is the nature of the world we live in and “that’s just the way it is.”
I think that we were supposed to post response about one classmate's essay and I do not know where to post it so I post it here. I'm responding to Elesha's essay which impresses me the most. Even though I am not her and I do not understand how she feels, I know that life has changed and everything must change in order to fit the change. She has sacrifice a lot to get to these days. It seems like her daughter and her recent family are the only support that could help her stand up and face her life. She has been strong and she needs to be stronger in order to protect herself and her family.
Mr. Matthew
Initial Planning...
1-Change is the topic. 2-My audience is my peers and other observing scholars. 3-My purpose is to explain what faze of change I'm in; college wise. 4-Why is change happening and/or why is change needed are two main questions I would like to answer. 5-I will be using problem/solution and casual analysis to breifly elaborate on what I have been talking to my peers about improving on; scholastically.
CHANGES IN MY LIFE: A Personal Essay
For along time now I have been in school feeling like my rhythm is off. When times call for a particular action, it seems I end up doing the opposite. In addition to having trouble finding the rhythm, I have allowed myself to easily be distracted. So after analyzing my hardships in school I finally decided to focus on taking the necessary steps to excel in school.
The first action that was needed was damage control. It has been long overdue that I admit to myself that my priorities are off balance. Certain things that cause more difficulty than progress have been given priority by my actions, (even though my thoughts do often conflict with this idea). Hence the term: easier said than done. Admitting that I am not prioritizing correctly was only half of the action of change in this step. The other half is to actually put action behind it. Now is where I make it count!
“You’re only as available as you let yourself be and the only thing that’s more available than yourself is the toilet!” A quote said to me by one of my favorite councilors. It means that if I allow myself to be bombarded by other people and their problems then I am easily overwhelmed. When someone has unlimited access to you there is no limit to the unnecessary problems they will try to inflict on you whether they do it deliberately or not. Hence the analogy of being toilet like for the patrons of a commode stop there only to drop off all the waste, aka booboo, they can in one session. If you are not available all the time then you can not only limit the wasteful intake but you can also in the same action ensure that more of the time someone needing to contact you will be for something productive; instead of wasteful.
The next step was to reduce, and hopefully eliminate, the self induced stress. Stress has for a long time now been obviously self-induced in my eyes. However like I stated before that for you to understand something and actually do something towards changing it are two totally separate events. So in order to come to a conclusion of success I decided to look at every occasion of unnecessary stress as an opportunity to analyze and change my actions. Just the other day I wanted to impulsively rush to get to my destination when I was only around the corner. I was not on a time deadline to get there and yet I found myself running with fifty pounds of books on my back, (which probably added more stress to my body in addition to my mental), and that’s when it dawned on me. Just like this occasion there are many other times where I don’t take the time I have to calmly proceed with my day and I usually miss something. That evening I stopped myself in mid stride and realized that running to my destination would change nothing other than the fact that I was going to be a lot more tired! Then I had to realize that my mind was so distracted by unnecessary thoughts of missing something if I didn’t rush that I was not aware of the fact that I was really going to just run a marathon without even being in a race. I guess the point I am trying to stress is that focus is just half of the action. When you add a topic to your focus, like focusing on self improvement, to the equation you will see a more specifically desirable result.
Mr. Matthew
Responds to ELESHA'S beautifully written essay...
I was moved by the whole essay to where I honestly started crying in the middle of reading it. Was very fluid and well worded. I felt like I was compelled by every word to continue reading. Also it touched me deeply due to the fact that I can relate to many parts of your experience. My daughter has given me the same strength throughout her life and I have also been in situations of introvertness at the wrong times. I especially liked how your grammer made me feel emotions of inner pain in the begginning all the way up to the end where I felt you overcome adversity! It touched me deeply!
Ammnah Babikir
Eng.1A
Mrs. Sabir
Initial planning sheet
1. What is the topic?
My paper will be all about change and growth.
2. Who is your audience?
Everyone who can relate to my story.
3. What is the purpose?
To share a story that everyone can feel and relate to.
4. What questions do you want your essay to answer?
My essay will answer all of them.
5. What is the main writing strategy you will use?
Creative description instances where the peak of change sparked a new realization that gave way to new and greater beginnings.
Outline
Introduction- Why does change have to change everything around you and why does it have to affect your state of mind?
-I struggled financially.
-I was depressed from the seemingly spiraling events etc.
-Thesis
Body: In the mist of everything going wrong, that I was able to surrender and pray that God takes care of all of my loses. I had to except it all as God’s strategic plan to build me into a stronger person.
-My wake up call
-The struggles I endured
Conclusion: I found freedom, strength, and a stronger spirit.
-The events that have followed
-My current stance/ thoughts/ feelings
Changes
1. Changes: write about changes you've experienced in your life recently or what changed or needs to change for you to be successful here in life!
Why does change have to change everything around you and why does it have to affect your state of mind? I am currently going through what I call, my transitional growth period. A lot of significant events have occurred in the past two-and-a-half years. This includes both external and internal changes that my faith in God allowed me to accept. I Have been struggling finically every since my uncle and others passed away earlier this year. Being that death has been translated into losing a lot of close friends. I was extremely depressed for quite a while. Only after hitting rock bottom, was I able to allow myself to receive the answers to all of my questions.
In a dog-eat-dog world where sometimes questions are left unanswered and every time I feel as though I'm so close to my dreams I find my self on a constant road of something-like déjà vu on a merry-go-round. I wind up trying to over analyze everything because nothing is what it seems to be in this jacked up world. Because all these unexpected curved balls that life's lessons fly in on, I have learned that the only ways to reach my goals are to set up detailed plans. Then, write them down, create a flexible realistic date to achieve them, and check them off as I go along. For instance, when my uncle passed away earlier this year, I had to leave school abruptly for the funeral.
This brought on a heap of issues that immediately had to be resolved when I got home. Such as: after buying my ticket and food on the trip, I had just enough money to pay my phone bill and get through the next week of school. I was gone for 2 ½ weeks. Financially, I was burnt out. I lost my job and still found it in my heart to contribute to my loss. He was only one of many who left me behind. Because I was raised to pay a contribution to families who have struggled with the loss of a loved one, I felt obligated to do it. So, you can imagine how much stress I’ve been engulfed in.
I had been saving up the money to move into an apartment of my own and buy a much needed vehicle. However, God had plans for me to slow my bridges and be a little more patient a little while longer. I listened to him; and after a 4-day bus ride to Norfolk, Virginia, 1 bus and a train ride back to the South Bronx, New York, then another 3 1/2 day back to Oakland Ca, I was beat down. I had swollen feet, bills to pay (school related and other), I had to deal with the computer lab banishment issue, and see how I could save my butt from failing my English 1A class, precalculus, and communications. Don't get me wrong, the experiences I had on the trip was very interesting. None the less, arriving three weeks late for my precalculus class meant I had received an F, communications an A, and my B in Mrs. Sabir's class turned into a C for English. I took the math over in the summer and received a B. I took a college success class passed with a B and received a check from financial aid. Things are looking up now because I am working part-time, going to school, and doing volunteer work.
My wake up call came in the form of losing those so close to me in a blink of an eye that I had to get myself centered a sap. You truly never know how much it hurts until they are gone and you are left with so many questions that you feel highly overwhelmed and totally impatient. I believe that there are no gains without loses. I guess the hardest task for me was excepting change. The kind of change that means I forget that I can’t call my cousin and uncle anymore. In essence I had to become totally dependant on my on opinions and advice because it just became a lot harder to trust people.
Finally, the end result came in when I came to the realization that nothing is forever but your connection with God and true love for self. After giving everything to God, everything seemed to majestically unfold before my very eyes. It was a real trip how the peaces of the puzzle seemed to all fall into place and reveal themselves according to a new state of mind. I found freedom by letting go of the stress and in turn it felt like my spirit had been uplifted. I’m just fine now, but still growing. God had to break me down to build me into the person that he saw fit. For those who need inspiration, don’t give up when hardship befalls you. If I can do it anyone can. Change isn’t bad after all.
Sameela Smith
Eng 1A Mon&wed 1-2:50
1. What is the subject of your paper? The subject of my paper is
"change."
2. Why do you want to write about this subject? I feel that I�m
experienced and know what it really means to change.
3. What audience will you write for? I�m writing this paper for anyone
who is willing to listen to me. Also for myself to express my truest thoughts
And feelings about what it really means to change.
4. What question do you want your research paper to answer? Does making
a good change means you will no longer back to your ways? Even if you
fight it with your all?
5. What is the main strategy you think you will use? I will use both
problem and solution. Problem: I believe every problem has a meaning
behind an action. Solution: Every solution has its purpose.
Sameela Smith Eng 1A MON&WED 1-2:50
Many times in life I come across the word "change." Although, the phrase "change" is said for good purposes it is also said for challenging purposes as well. When death of a loved one occurs in life, change in that situation I find the most challenging because it is a permanent change. A good change on the other hand has to do with the individual who consist on self-discipline and growth. I learned about changing myself the uneasy way. By me hurting others feelings that I did care about, I knew that change within me was something I must encounter.
While going through tribulations with my behavior my frustration was not only within
me, everyone became a "problem". The only way I could truly change myself was to first grow up and recognize that my aggression was not only tearing me apart, I actually tore apart relationships. Admitting to my faults was not easy nor was the task difficult. Change can occur too late for many, but for others change happens right on time.
On a daily I would think about the hearts that were broken, and use that as an example
of why I needed to change my behavior. I believe in self-punishment to discipline one self. From me knowing the trouble I cause; I would look myself in the mirror and repeat: "I can't do this anymore" until I feel empathy in my heart. I forgive myself for any hurt I’ve ever caused. Hurting someone I had to forgive myself first before asking for forgiveness from someone else.
My motivation of changing myself into being a woman consisted of me knowing how well I was taught to treat people; I learned from my parents. I felt bad when I struggled with myself because I strived of being a good person. My whole issue was I was afraid that my kindness would be taken for a weakness. Deep inside I knew who I was as a person. I fought many temptations to not being aggressive; anything that pissed me off a tad I was in rage. The term “earn respect” was another motivation for me to change; in order to earn respect I must first give it. Since Iam a beautiful person that was all people seen until I opened my mouth and spoke of negativity. Often people would ask me: “why you looking like that, put a smile on that pretty face”. After that compliment deep inside I would ask myself “why can’t my insides be as pretty as my outside appearance”. By me hurting others feelings that I did about I knew the change I must encounter was to grow up.
Amani Ali
English 1A
August 28, 2008
Initial Planning Sheet
Topic: Change
Audience: Who ever is curious about my change and whoever knows they need a change, but encouragement at the same time.
Purpose: I am going to explain or describe my problem and propose a solution which will be my change.
Questions To Answer In Or About My Essay: Will this change I make really be a change permanently or temporary.
Major Writing Strategies: I plan to present my problem and have a steady solution.
Outline
Thesis: When that person is gone forever, is that when you will make that change.
Introduction sentence
Major point (topic sentence)
Evidence 1:
Essay
Death and Then Change
Sadly, we are living in a time of disrespect of the elders and mainly parents. I know this because I see it everyday in the streets and even in my home. Just because my younger siblings got that extra height and bigger muscles, they have that mentality of “can’t nobody tell me nothing”. It’s a shame how you want to make a change on respecting someone when they are gone, but when you had the chance to change when they were there and didn’t.
My father has a well known disease called Lupus which his red blood cells attack the white blood cells. Stress is another main flare up of this sickness. Therefore, the disrespect in the house is the cause of his flare ups. My father is respected everywhere he goes, but for some reason there is none within his own. He tells me all the time how I was something like his favorite even though we have our disagreements about certain things. He also reminds me everyday how I should change, change, change. He says” Mani, please promise me you will change and get right with your lord.” You know how youngsters today are so rebellious and don’t want to hear it.
About two months ago, I was at school with my dad and he was so stressed out about a lot that was going on within the family. He kept telling me he felt like he wanted to faint, so he laid down and passed out. We rushed him to the hospital and had to stay for a few days at first. The doctors ended up giving him the wrong medication called sulfa. After taking the medication, he had an allergic reaction which turned into another whole disease in his body called Steven’s Johnson Syndrome. The syndrome is a deadly skin disease and the doctors told us that it is not likely for people to survive this disease.
My father was hospitalized for 3 months. We really didn’t think he was going to make it. My brothers felt so bad about they way they treated my father and all they could do is pray for forgiveness and to cure my father. This was a wake up call for them. They shouldn’t change because my father was on his death bed, but to never act that way. You should always honor your parents regardless of the situation. My father pulled through and was able to come home. It is a whole new lifestyle at the house. Everyone is respectful and I love it. It was a good change.
Ms.Sabir I revised my essay for you and I e-mailed it to you, because I was not sure where to put it.
Chesi Brown
English: 1A
September 18, 2008
Essay: Changes
At what point in time does one begin to take full responsibility of their own lives rather, it’s a cruise or an ongoing struggle. Being a single-parent has made life very challenging for me, due to the fact that I do not have no constant base of support to help me raise my child while I am pursing higher education. My family acts, as if they are excited about me continuing my education. However, when it is time to physically help me they seem to always be too busy. Now that I have learned their ongoing ways, I have figure out away to stop depending on my family and I have decided to take total control over the lives of me and my child.
In the fall of 2008, I have started my third semester in college at the College of Alameda. I am a full-time student, majoring in nursing which consist of me taking a large amount of units. While pursuing this career goal I am required to take a number of classes, which mandates me to attend school every day of the week. During the first two week of me starting school I was faced with the challenges of either missing school or staying home, because my mother and my daughters father were not dependable when it came down to watching my daughter while I attended class. It is situation like this that makes it so hard for single parents to succeed. If chose to stay at home for two weeks then I would have miss a lot of classes as well as assignments and missing assignments can affect my GPA. I decided to take my daughter with me to school, even though it was a daily struggle meeting her personal needs while attending class with my professor being totally clueless of my situation.
With all this drama that is surroundings me in my life. I manage keep pushing forward with my career. My mother has disappointed me a lot and I am finally seeing her for who see really is. For example, she always explains she doesn’t mind watching my daughter while I go to school or step out for a little personal time, but as soon as I need her the first thing she says is, “I got things to do, I raised my kids, that is your daughter.” My daughters’ father is no different, when it comes to him having to watch his own daughter he acts as if school is not a job, and his time is money. when I asks him to watch her he says, “school don’t put food on my table, I got to survive out her and I got to get my money, you going to school ain't about to put no food on my back right now or Zmari’s, I ain't watch in nobody.”
Although, getting my education has been a challenge mentally and physically, along with a non-supportive circle in my life. I have still managed to overcome these life burdens, by deciding to take full control of me and my daughter’s life without the help of others.
Post a Comment
<< Home