Holler Essays Rewriting vs. Revision

I am looking forward to seeing new essay plans, outlines and drafts tomorrow. Don't worry about the first graded draft. This happens when the assignment isn't clear or it is one students don't like. So hopefully some of you will get a decent essay this second go round. If my instructions were not clear let me know.

Anaya's essay so far is one that is an example of an essay that works re: content, organization, structure, and grammar.

SPHE is not isolated exercises and essay development. What you are learning in SPHE is supposed to transfer over to your work. The content in Stewart's essays is for the most part nonsense, but every now and then, there is an aha moment.

Suffice it to say that students should in their final stages of the writing look for those errors you have been critiquing Stewart on. I will ding students who make the errors you have been dinging Stewart on--that's only fair, right?

The essay assignment is given over the past month. Look at it. I ask students to use multiple sources: Dyson, Tupac's music and poetry, and a scholarly source--if not to cite then to reference for your own edification. The essay is to be, I believe 4 pages and this doesn't include a works cited page.

The introduction lets your audience know your plan for the journey and is an invitation for them to travel along with you. The thesis should be provocative and interesting.

Use the outline to develop these paragraphs. If you used declarative sentences in your outline, then you can use these sentences as topic sentences. The introduction grabs the readers attention, start with something provocative or shocking; use a quote from Tupac or Dyson or someone connected to the point you wish to make.

I was speaking to Shay about her theme: resilience and suggested she look at Tupac's life and illustrate his resilience by showing how he survived beyond all odds, how his resilience reflects the resilience of the "homies" he writes about and sings about.

I suggested she start with his conception and birth...what was going on at that time for his mother and what his survival entailed.

For Eric whose topic was Tupac's relationship with his mother and the yin/yang or the instability of that relationship because of her priorities--her kids not always number one on that list, I suggested he develop a strong thesis because when we looked at the essay, we couldn't find it.

Tupac had good reason to hate his mother for the life she subjected them too, but though angry, he doesn't. He realizes as an adult, she did the best she was capable of. And unfortunately, her weaknesses are his weaknesses. The two are very much alike.

So students, write your essays. If you found the book boring, I don't think this detail needs to make its way into the essay. You only have so many words allowed and if "boring" doesn't serve your thesis then in this revision or rewriting, toss it.

Many of you need to rewrite the essay. I think for all of your this is the case--toss the old essay and write a new one. I want to see the old essay, but I don't think there is much to salvage, so pull out a blank paper, take your outline and write a new essay.

Feel encouraged, look at Stewart Pidd, he has to revise all his essays, and he keeps on trying or not trying (smile). At least he doesn't make the same mistakes twice...at least not until he has to write his big paper in a few weeks.